1. Posted: May 19, 2013In:

    A mother's confession tells a young man that he has an older brother, but this older brother is in a gang; the young man must find a way into his brother's heart while breaking the hold the gang has over the older brother.

    ifrost

    Nice rewrite. It exposes more about motivation ("...or lose his brother's love forever"). However, it sounds a little naive - the younger brother knows nothing about the older one. The older brother may know about the younger, but I can't see any strong relationship between them. Therefore, this stoRead more

    Nice rewrite. It exposes more about motivation (“…or lose his brother’s love forever”). However, it sounds a little naive – the younger brother knows nothing about the older one. The older brother may know about the younger, but I can’t see any strong relationship between them. Therefore, this story may be more about looking for answers (Who is my brother? Why he left us? Why didn’t mother tell me about it earlier?) rather than losing loved ones.

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  2. Posted: May 16, 2013In:

    After his father gives him a job at their small-town newspaper, a conceited journalist buried in debt investigates a sports drug scandal that implicates his athlete brother.

    ifrost

    Correct me if I'm wrong. I see "buried in debt" and "conceited" as two strongly connected elements to create conflict situation. Hero is "buried in debt", so he needs to work. He investigates scandal that implicates his brother, so making this scandal public means troubles not only for his brother bRead more

    Correct me if I’m wrong. I see “buried in debt” and “conceited” as two strongly connected elements to create conflict situation.

    Hero is “buried in debt”, so he needs to work. He investigates scandal that implicates his brother, so making this scandal public means troubles not only for his brother but also his father. This could lead to losing his job. Any other guy would withdraw, but he is conceited – he can’t leave it. So as he investigates more and more he gets more and more in troubles.

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  3. Posted: May 15, 2013In:

    Unfaithful man tries to enamor again his wife, who loses her memory in an accident while driving to the divorce case.

    ifrost

    Tony - it's a comedy. You are right. I think that this concept is not much original. Today I found "The Vow" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1606389/) with almost the same premise :/ nicholasandrewhalls - Protagonist cheated once and it was a mistake he wants to conceal. Thanks!

    Tony – it’s a comedy. You are right. I think that this concept is not much original. Today I found “The Vow” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1606389/) with almost the same premise :/

    nicholasandrewhalls – Protagonist cheated once and it was a mistake he wants to conceal.

    Thanks!

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