1. Posted: February 13, 2016In:

    Still living with mother, a 45 year old psychotherapist that uses a dubious flogging therapy struggles to make his own life proposing to his client, a young and rich business woman.

    Karel Segers Logliner

    Thanks for reviewing, i am from russia and my english is not that good, so i am just trying to learn this logline thing. the flogging therapy is something that invented and developed by a russian professor Sergey Speranskiy and now is popular in russia. Because the main character is unsuccessful manRead more

    Thanks for reviewing, i am from russia and my english is not that good, so i am just trying to learn this logline thing. the flogging therapy is something that invented and developed by a russian professor Sergey Speranskiy and now is popular in russia. Because the main character is unsuccessful man, still lives with his mother, never married, no children, ?he doesnt give up trying ?to find a woman and to create family like his twin brother. His client, a rich woman that showed interest towards him and ?his strange method seems a good solution to him. they?have very passionate relationship. She uses him to satisfy her sexual desires, and he tries to take advantage… to fix his life using her.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: September 28, 2015In: ,

    A man awaits the arrival of a violent time-travelling version of himself from 10 years in the future. After he is ‘killed’ by a female undercover cop determined to stop him from breaking bar, he is ‘saved’ by a female bounty hunter who hallucinates slices of the future and is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self.

    Karel Segers Logliner

    I love it! Great high concept. But you'll need to simplify the logline... The goal?(or 2nd act action) is wrapped in the final part of the logline: "is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self". I would give this more prominence, and make it more active "is determined" feels weak.Read more

    I love it!

    Great high concept. But you’ll need to simplify the logline…

    The goal?(or 2nd act action) is wrapped in the final part of the logline: “is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self”.

    I would give this more prominence, and make it more active “is determined” feels weak. We usually use “must” in a logline, as it is a lot stronger.

    In summary:

    Simplify the setup, and give more prominance to the 2nd act action.

    I hope this helps!

    Cheers,

    Karel

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: September 27, 2015In:

    A group of young activists abduct a senior politician and use a psychological mind game to extract a murder confession but he turns the game around, insisting he has proof that one of them is a government agent.

    Karel Segers Logliner

    Start with the inciting incident: "When a group of young activists abduct a senior politician, and ... murder confession" Then you'll see that there is a lack of story material for Act 2: all we have here is that "he insists he has proof that one of them is a government agent". In other words, thisRead more

    Start with the inciting incident:

    “When a group of young activists abduct a senior politician, and … murder confession”

    Then you’ll see that there is a lack of story material for Act 2: all we have here is that “he insists he has proof that one of them is a government agent”.

    In other words, this logline is super heavy towards the setup, but doesn’t promise much after that.

    See less
    • 0