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An agoraphobic writer must revisit her dark past, and battle a menacing presence, in order to survive the night, and reach the most important deadline of her life.
I like this. Intriguing. But, I have to agree with Sadie. I feel the menacing presence needs to be something more concrete. If the menacing presence is something more psychological that is hard to define,? (and I well understand the logline struggle in this scenario), I'd try and pick the most tangiRead more
I like this. Intriguing.
But, I have to agree with Sadie. I feel the menacing presence needs to be something more concrete.
If the menacing presence is something more psychological that is hard to define,? (and I well understand the logline struggle in this scenario), I’d try and pick the most tangible and vivid element.
See lessA soldier returns home with a Bronze Star, a Purple Heart, and a desire to become a professional high stakes poker player, believing it is a safer lifestyle. So she thought.
I think the "Bronze Star, a Purple Heart..." is nice, but too much detail unless you can make it relevant to poker playing. Secondly, what is the tangible threat? I think you need to say what in the 'lifestyle' is such a danger so we can connect.
I think the “Bronze Star, a Purple Heart…” is nice, but too much detail unless you can make it relevant to poker playing.
Secondly, what is the tangible threat? I think you need to say what in the ‘lifestyle’ is such a danger so we can connect.
See less