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A fledgling detective pursues a serial killer and is faced with panic attacks when she gets too close.
An interesting concept! Firstly, the she in the latter half of the sentence is referring to the serial killer grammatically, not sure if that's what you intended? I would like to know more about the story and conflict, I understand the detective has a man vs himself conflict developing with her struRead more
An interesting concept! Firstly, the she in the latter half of the sentence is referring to the serial killer grammatically, not sure if that’s what you intended? I would like to know more about the story and conflict, I understand the detective has a man vs himself conflict developing with her struggle to overcome her panic, and the man vs man conflict with the serial killer is also there, but maybe what’s bothering me is that your detective doesn’t sound active enough? Perhaps changing “faced with” to “struggles to overcome” might give her more agency. Something to consider.
See lessAn ageing Father turns detective to convict son-in-law of daughter's murder
I'm interested for sure, it sounds topical and pulled from the headlines. I think it sounds like there would be great conflict and high stakes. I also think you would benefit by revealing what kind of man this father is -- what was his past occupation? The logline itself could stand to be restructurRead more
I’m interested for sure, it sounds topical and pulled from the headlines. I think it sounds like there would be great conflict and high stakes. I also think you would benefit by revealing what kind of man this father is — what was his past occupation? The logline itself could stand to be restructured and embellished a little so it makes more sense. Here’s an example of what I would probably say: “When his daughter is murdered, a former cop takes it upon himself to find the evidence that could convict his estranged son-in-law of the crime.”
See lessDumped by her wealthy boyfriend, a selfish gold-digger retreats to her hometown and sets her sights on a local bachelor…who happens to be rich…and engaged to be married.
I think this sounds very interesting, and has a lot of potential although the first comparison that pops into my head is 'Young Adult'. I'm definitely wondering what she will do to get her way and what type of comedy you'll be employing.
I think this sounds very interesting, and has a lot of potential although the first comparison that pops into my head is ‘Young Adult’. I’m definitely wondering what she will do to get her way and what type of comedy you’ll be employing.
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