Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When several unexplained deaths occur in a retirement village, a cranky veteran suspects the widows and must uncover the truth before becoming the next to go.
The new version is not so good. I would keep the first one but change it a bit. There are war veterans that are young so you should refer to him as a ?cranky old veteran?. Maybe you could say he?s paranoid to undermine his credibility but it could be too much saying he is a ?cranky old paranoid veteRead more
The new version is not so good. I would keep the first one but change it a bit. There are war veterans that are young so you should refer to him as a ?cranky old veteran?. Maybe you could say he?s paranoid to undermine his credibility but it could be too much saying he is a ?cranky old paranoid veteran?. It?s your call. I like the unexplained deaths but it lacks something. There should be an interesting detail regarding these deaths, maybe a killer’s signature or something. If I were you I would change the ?retirement village? to rest home, retirement home or nursing home. The word village was confusing to me the first time I read it. The expression ?before becoming the next to go? is not very interesting and it lacks the comedic vein you want. You should use some expression that is funny: ?to kick the bucket? for example. I recommend you watch the movie ?Bubba Ho-Tep? (2002). It?s cool.
See lessAfter a new energy source is used to power an entire city, a young cleaning lady is called to protect the city from supernatural threats called Jinn that are attracted to the energy source. The Jinn take over human bodies and give their hosts supernatural powers.
This new energy source of yours has something to do with the Jinns? What I mean is: is there a secret behind this new source of energy? It would be interesting if there was a relation between the energy source and the supernatural. Is it a quantum/ nuclear thing, the god particle or something like tRead more
This new energy source of yours has something to do with the Jinns? What I mean is: is there a secret behind this new source of energy? It would be interesting if there was a relation between the energy source and the supernatural. Is it a quantum/ nuclear thing, the god particle or something like that? Or is it an old stolen relic that powers the city and that belonged to the Jinns a long time ago?
See lessThe cleaning lady part is cool and comic, I like this protagonist but I also need a bit more information. Why is she special? the ?cleaning? is a metaphor for a killer or is she really a cleaning lady? The cleaning ability will be pertinent to the story?
The part about the Jinn taking over the human bodies is very cool? it reminded me of The Body Snatchers and Battlestar Galactica (less): not knowing who is the enemy raises the tension (they are hiding in plain sight).
The supernatural powers transferred to the host are nice but the powers are not really given to the host because their body (and mind?) has been taken over? I think there should be a problem when a Jinn invades a weak human body: there are the cool powers but the body can?t handle the supernatural power for a long time or something? like the character Doro, in the Wild Seed book (Octavia Butler).
Attempting to reconnect with her squad, a stranded time-traveling soldier battles another soldier on a strange world to prevent him from changing history, only to slowly discover she becomes responsible for a terrible disaster and the deaths of a city’s residents.
I noticed that you gave additional information but I will only use your logline as the reference. You talk about a ?strange world? but I feel that you should give a bit more info about this place. Why is it strange? One other thing, the city residents that perish are people from the strange world? WRead more
I noticed that you gave additional information but I will only use your logline as the reference. You talk about a ?strange world? but I feel that you should give a bit more info about this place. Why is it strange? One other thing, the city residents that perish are people from the strange world? Why should he care about these strange aliens he just met? It?s not clear if the city is on Earth or another place.
See less