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Edit2 – When a man inherits his father?s fortune he is shot while he sleeps, he wakes to his final day on earth rewinding around him and must figure out who shot him before he bleeds to death.
You must explain the connection between the main character being shot and him havin inherited his father?s fortune. Does the shoter wants to steal the money? If so, write it. "When a man, who has recently inherited his father?s fortune, gets killed in his sleep and wakes up again to face his final dRead more
You must explain the connection between the main character being shot and him havin inherited his father?s fortune. Does the shoter wants to steal the money? If so, write it.
See less“When a man, who has recently inherited his father?s fortune, gets killed in his sleep and wakes up again to face his final day on earth, he must figure out who shot him before night falls.” If you use “before he bleeds to death” it sounds like he wakes in the morning and is already bleeding; and therefor wouldn?t live for very long anyways.
When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a mysterious figure, a manic-depressive alcoholic alters his entire life trajectory to save her from an ethereal shape-shifter that harvests souls for energy.
I find the phrasing of "mysterious figure" to be vague. When I first read it, I imagined a mysterious, cloaked HUMAN. You tell us in the end what the "figure" is, so why not spell it out right away? "When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a ethereal shape-shifter, a manic-depressive alcoholicRead more
I find the phrasing of “mysterious figure” to be vague. When I first read it, I imagined a mysterious, cloaked HUMAN. You tell us in the end what the “figure” is, so why not spell it out right away? “When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a ethereal shape-shifter, a manic-depressive alcoholic must alter his enitre life trajectory in order to save her from having her soul harvested for energy”.
See lessI also find “life trajectory” to be pretty vague also. Maybe if you alter it to “must enter another realm of reality in order to”