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A photo safari guide enlists the help of his daughter and her billionaire husband to find an historic treasure near Kilimanjaro. What they find is astonishing, and nearly costs them everything.
This is kinda like a cross between a logline and a tagline. It's incredibly vague and definitely in need of clarity. At what point do they make the discovery of the treasure? If it's at the end of the second act, we need more information about their quest and why it's difficult to find this treasureRead more
This is kinda like a cross between a logline and a tagline. It’s incredibly vague and definitely in need of clarity.
At what point do they make the discovery of the treasure? If it’s at the end of the second act, we need more information about their quest and why it’s difficult to find this treasure. If it’s at the midpoint, we need a clear midpoint reversal in the logline (“but when blah blah blah they must change their goal”). If it’s earlier than the midpoint then it’s likely to be the inciting incident and we need the goal which is set up by this discovery.
Can you give us something more about our protagonist? Why is he a photo safari guide? What relevance does that have to the story? If he’s treasure hunting, surely archeologist makes more sense?
What stands in their way? At the moment, we have something which hints at antagonistic forces but with no solid understanding of who or what these are and no idea what’s really at stake other than “everything”.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter stealing money from what he believes is a small time gang, a former criminal (never caught) finds himself and his girlfriend being pursued by the men he stole from. With nowhere left to go, our protagonist is forced into working with the police to help track down what turns out to be a deadly criminal organization.
Why is he stealing money from a gang? What makes him better than the people he's stealing from and therefore makes us root for him? "A man" - that's all you have to say about the hero of your story!? This is the character on whom the weight of the entire plot rests; he has the burden of being the emRead more
Why is he stealing money from a gang? What makes him better than the people he’s stealing from and therefore makes us root for him?
“A man” – that’s all you have to say about the hero of your story!? This is the character on whom the weight of the entire plot rests; he has the burden of being the emotional core of the story, and the being who you are expecting an audience to follow to hell and back and will to succeed at every turn… and he’s just “a man”. Your hero deserves better!
What will happen if he’s caught? Why do we care?
See lessA researcher discovers a group of young children who have a collective consciousness, but no one believes him, even when he learns of the children’s plan to rid the world of all those outside their group mind.
So what's he going to do about it? This is just the first act, what happens for the duration of the 90min+ runtime? Who is this researcher? Why is he our protagonist?
So what’s he going to do about it? This is just the first act, what happens for the duration of the 90min+ runtime?
Who is this researcher? Why is he our protagonist?
See less