Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A racially maligned orphan prone to violence is unwillingly thrust into politics and must fight for those who have vilified her to avoid civil war as well as protect her friends
Thanks Nir. Regarding the civil war/protect her friends, I've had similar feedback from the off-line realm, so I'll cut that out of the line. Regarding the politics side, the connection is complex, and I'm not sure it even belongs in the logline anymore. Therefore, revised line: A racially malignedRead more
Thanks Nir.
Regarding the civil war/protect her friends, I’ve had similar feedback from the off-line realm, so I’ll cut that out of the line. Regarding the politics side, the connection is complex, and I’m not sure it even belongs in the logline anymore. Therefore, revised line:
A racially maligned orphan prone to must fight for those who have vilified her to avoid civil war
Not sure if this is too simple though, would appreciate any thoughts.
See lessIn an apocalyptic winter filled with zombies, Juliet is on a rampage to kill Romeo at all costs.
I think the reason you should add the stakes is because the logline is not what you should be using to hook the audience. To quote the guidelines from this page, the point of a logline is to "demonstrate that our story contains the essential components." Without a stake, a studio is less likely to sRead more
I think the reason you should add the stakes is because the logline is not what you should be using to hook the audience. To quote the guidelines from this page, the point of a logline is to “demonstrate that our story contains the essential components.” Without a stake, a studio is less likely to see it as a complete story, and less likely to be interested. The execs won’t necessarily want to ask why Juliet wants to kill Romeo- they don’t have the time to read the full story just to find out. They just want to know there is a credible reason that can sell, to convince them that looking at the rest of the story is worth it. Also, having he stakes included doesn’t give away the story, but adds that essential element, potentially making it more interesting to the audience at little cost. See what you think of the one below (with a generic/random stake added), and see if you think it kills off the line or adds value:
“After being left for dead in an apocalyptic winter filled with zombies, Juliet is on revenge fuelled rampage to kill Romeo at all costs”
See lessWhen his wife is kidnapped, a modern-day sorcerer (and NYC detective) hunts down her sadistic captor; but when the trail goes cold and even his supernatural friends can't help him, he must learn that love is the most powerful magic of all, before his wife is lost forever.
I'm pretty new at this, but I think leaving the 'before' clause gives an urgency to the line, which adds credibility to the idea that a cynic/weary character would turn to an unlikely source of assistance. However, I'm not sure you need 'New York City' in the detective part. Like I said, I'm new, buRead more
I’m pretty new at this, but I think leaving the ‘before’ clause gives an urgency to the line, which adds credibility to the idea that a cynic/weary character would turn to an unlikely source of assistance. However, I’m not sure you need ‘New York City’ in the detective part. Like I said, I’m new, but I think simplicity works. Adding a location takes up time and space without giving much in return. Compare the two, see if you think it adds much (I’m also Australian, so not sure if there is a critical difference between NYPD, LAPD, GCPD and the rest):
After his wife is kidnapped, a world-weary New York City detective must rely on a clairvoyant sorceress and an assortment of fantastical creatures to help him find her and stop the sadistic abductor?before she is murdered.?
After his wife is kidnapped, a world-weary detective must rely on a clairvoyant sorceress and an assortment of fantastical creatures to help him find her and stop the sadistic abductor?before she is murdered.?
I think the same simplicity principle applies to the “clairvoyant sorceress and an assortment of fantastical creatures” line. If there enough irony in the fact that the detective is relying on the supernatural world, then the specifics of the characters on whom he is relying become details, and are not valuable parts of the logline.
Otherwise, sounds interesting!
See less