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A former high school jock is thrust into duty to save his high school reunion after a prank turns his classmates into the living dead.
Well ... the rescue of the ex-girlfriend seems pretty central to the idea? "After a viral outbreak turns the attendees of a 10 year reunion into ravenous zombies, a down-on-his-luck ex-jock turned shoe-salesman battles?the living dead to rescue?a group of survivors (and his high-school sweetheart) tRead more
Well … the rescue of the ex-girlfriend seems pretty central to the idea?
“After a viral outbreak turns the attendees of a 10 year reunion into ravenous zombies, a down-on-his-luck ex-jock turned shoe-salesman battles?the living dead to rescue?a group of survivors (and his high-school sweetheart) trapped in?the gym.”
Maybe a LITTLE wordy, but I think clearer and provides more of the hook — or at least hints at the themes of redemption and reclaiming former glory?
Substitute ‘viral outbreak’ for ‘chemical explosion’ or ‘miscast spell’, whatever happens. I think ‘prank’ calls for specificity, and weighs down the logline in the wrong place (because the reader is curious about the nature of the prank). I’d suggest keeping that bit a little vaguer (leave it for the script – just describe the outcome of the prank) and get the logline to the meat and potatoes of the story quicker.
With a little more information, I’m more interested in the story, for sure, and can see?the script’s potential. (Who are the survivors? Did they not drink the tainted punch that turned everyone into zombies because they’re the members of his AA group, or worse … the nerds he used to pick on? Maybe he busted his knee and couldn’t play?basketball anymore – a cliche, I know – but dragging the ex-jock to the part of the school that resulted in the current trajectory of his life is a great way to build ‘the cave’ in the second act).
As for ‘who would want to play this part’ – in a story of arrested development and the quest for former glory, I can see tons of actors who’d go for that. My first thought was Chris Pratt (but fat Chris Pratt from Parks & Rec).
Anyway … good luck with the logline and/or script.
See lessA former high school jock is thrust into duty to save his high school reunion after a prank turns his classmates into the living dead.
By doing what? The goal (and action the protagonist takes to achieve it) needs to be clear to the audience. "Save his school" is not specific enough, because it could take almost infinite forms. It will also provide the hook that separates this from the horde of other zombie/living dead films out thRead more
By doing what? The goal (and action the protagonist takes to achieve it) needs to be clear to the audience. “Save his school” is not specific enough, because it could take almost infinite forms.
See lessIt will also provide the hook that separates this from the horde of other zombie/living dead films out there. Right now, all I know about your film is that it’s a zombie movie in a high school.
In the year 3,000 since the hell-break an ex-soldier is helping group of small weasel-like creatures to cross hostile continent in search for their homeland. Part of the payment he receives is not simply a toy like he believes in the beginning but a mysterious powerful entity.
My guess from the logline, and your additional information, is that the soldier receiving the "mysterious entity" is actually the call to adventure? Like, it'll happen fifteen minutes into the film? If that's the case, then you've only loglined the beginning of your story.I'm not clear what the plotRead more
My guess from the logline, and your additional information, is that the soldier receiving the “mysterious entity” is actually the call to adventure? Like, it’ll happen fifteen minutes into the film? If that’s the case, then you’ve only loglined the beginning of your story.
I’m not clear what the plot of your film is once he receives the entity. And if the majority of the film is ferrying refugees to safety, then I need to know what the call to adventure for that action is, and who specifically is trying to stop him from completing his mission?
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