1. Posted: October 13, 2022In:

    A young woman struggles to cope with life in America after being orphaned by parents immigrated from war torn Lebanon.

    OKBoomer Penpusher

    This is a little confusing. Can I suggest... When a young Lebanese immigrant is orphaned, she struggles with her new life in America. - or - When a young orphan flees war-torn Lebanon, she struggles with her new life in America. I also recommend including with the specifics of her struggle. For examRead more

    This is a little confusing.

    Can I suggest…

    When a young Lebanese immigrant is orphaned, she struggles with her new life in America.

    – or –

    When a young orphan flees war-torn Lebanon, she struggles with her new life in America.

    I also recommend including with the specifics of her struggle. For example, is she struggling the feelings of isolation? Is she struggling to find a long lost relative?

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  2. Posted: October 8, 2022In:

    A young dream interpreter must investigate a political conspiracy conceived by a high-ranking official possessing the same extraordinary gifts.

    OKBoomer Penpusher

    I don't understand how this is SciFi. Psychologists, and others, have been "interpreting" dreams for decades without any SciFi equipment. It feels like there is something missing from the logline, like how does the dream interpreter interpret dreams?

    I don’t understand how this is SciFi. Psychologists, and others, have been “interpreting” dreams for decades without any SciFi equipment. It feels like there is something missing from the logline, like how does the dream interpreter interpret dreams?

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  3. Posted: September 6, 2022In:

    When a teenage girl realizes her big sister works as a prostitute to put herself through lawschool, she has to find a way to financially support her, without her sister finding out who the money comes from, or else she will not accept the help and continue with this self destructive work.

    OKBoomer Penpusher

    You cannot assume that everyone reading this logline will share your view that the sister being a sex worker is a terrible thing. I recommend you take the judgment out of the logline, especially the bit about sex working being self-destructive. You can certainly have a theme that explores sex workinRead more

    You cannot assume that everyone reading this logline will share your view that the sister being a sex worker is a terrible thing. I recommend you take the judgment out of the logline, especially the bit about sex working being self-destructive.

    You can certainly have a theme that explores sex working being self-destructive but leave it out of the logline.

    I’m sure the Pretty Woman logline would focus on Vivian finding true love rather than being rescued from sex working by Edward. Perhaps your logline could focus on the teenage sister finding a way to support her big sister through law school.

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