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After discovering his new and only friend?s family relies heavily on government handouts, a sheltered teenager struggles against his privileged upbringing and his parent?s ideals to maintain this relationship.
Hi Mike, I like the concept, and get a good sense of how the story will pan out. I think the logline is fine to be fair. It covers all the essentials ?so I have little to suggest. Would you consider the parents to be the antagonists or will it be multiple antagonistic forces? Also, what do they stanRead more
Hi Mike,
I like the concept, and get a good sense of how the story will pan out. I think the logline is fine to be fair. It covers all the essentials ?so I have little to suggest.
Would you consider the parents to be the antagonists or will it be multiple antagonistic forces? Also, what do they stand to lose if their friendship doesn’t work out? I don’t think they’re questions that need answering in the logline, just interested. I suppose the arcs, and the stakes are internal/emotional ones.
Nice work.
See lessKidnapped and caged, ten people are going to be killed one at a time until they identify the two traitors in their group, which will secure their release.
Hi Craig, I'm sorry my feedback will be less useful than yours but wanted to repay the favour. I like this logline, I get a good idea of how the story will pan out, also that it could be made on a low budget due to one location (unless I'm mistaken). I think all the right words are there, I've spendRead more
Hi Craig, I’m sorry my feedback will be less useful than yours but wanted to repay the favour.
I like this logline, I get a good idea of how the story will pan out, also that it could be made on a low budget due to one location (unless I’m mistaken).
I think all the right words are there, I’ve spend some time trying to see if there’s a better order for the words to be arranged. I can’t find a way to improve on this front.
If I had to think of questions the logline raises but doesn’t answer (hard to cram it all in, I know):
See less1) Who is holding them captive?
2) Who is doing the killing?
3) What is the group? – Is it military? Criminal? Cult?
REVISED: When her beloved grandma passes away, an estranged young woman must find a way of fulfilling her grandma?s last wish while struggling to reconnect with her dysfunctional family at the funeral.
I think the above comments are on the same line of thought as me.?the logline?seems quite vague at the moment, I'd?try and show what makes the?story unique, what is unique about the situation/story? Hopefully it is something that?includes an element of dramatic irony. I also think you could remove eRead more
I think the above comments are on the same line of thought as me.?the logline?seems quite vague at the moment, I’d?try and show what makes the?story unique, what is unique about the situation/story? Hopefully it is something that?includes an element of dramatic irony.
I also think you could remove either “struggles to reconnect with her family” or “has a lot of catching up to do with her family” to make it more concise. Perhaps choose which of those is the bigger factor in your story, they’re fairly similar.
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