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Being more specific would help this logline shine. Why is he deemed useless? E.g. He is extremely disorganised, a drug addict, a drunkard, depressed What makes him decide to find his way into the hearts of people? E.g. His has a near death experience. His father dies. He turns 40. How does he win peRead more
Being more specific would help this logline shine.
Why is he deemed useless? E.g. He is extremely disorganised, a drug addict, a drunkard, depressed
What makes him decide to find his way into the hearts of people? E.g. His has a near death experience. His father dies. He turns 40.
How does he win people’s hearts? E.g. Becomes a world famous piano player.
Coaches a baseball team and wins the world series…
And what is the opportunity?
Hope that helps
See lessWhen a woman has to leave her abusive husband, she moves to a remote community and must unite them with a school singing competition.
Good idea for an inspirational movie! My suggestion is that we need to understand the stakes a bit more. Why is uniting everyone in a school singing competish important? Why should we care? Is she trying to prove to her husband that she's worth something? If so, maybe it would be better for her to sRead more
Good idea for an inspirational movie!
My suggestion is that we need to understand the stakes a bit more. Why is uniting everyone in a school singing competish important? Why should we care?
Is she trying to prove to her husband that she’s worth something? If so, maybe it would be better for her to stay with her husband, and have him be an antagonist throughout the movie, cruelly putting her down etc., to raise the stakes? Or maybe its your intention to have her leave, and have him track her down?
See lessA callous human executioner of synthetic citizens becomes a target himself when he helps a humanoid and her daughter escape termination from a cybernetic slaughterhouse
Nice: sounds like a dark, chilling, tech-noir story! I'm picturing a Terminator/Blade Runner atmosphere. It reminds me of the book 'A brave new world' too! My suggestion is to be more specific with the executioner's goal after he assists with the escape. Is his goal to save just his own life, or areRead more
Nice: sounds like a dark, chilling, tech-noir story! I’m picturing a Terminator/Blade Runner atmosphere. It reminds me of the book ‘A brave new world’ too!
My suggestion is to be more specific with the executioner’s goal after he assists with the escape. Is his goal to save just his own life, or are the humanoid and her daughter also in danger? If so, what action does he take to save himself/them? Who is targeting him?
Also, what event, if any, makes the executioner decide to let that particular humanoid and her daughter escape, when he has killed all the others? I’m guessing that event would be a good inciting incident of the story. It might help to include it in the logline, but if you don’t, I would like to know why anyway!
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