1. Posted: August 14, 2015In:

    A penniless single father takes a night job monitoring the cities CCTV, but fears he is losing his sanity when strange apparitions begin appearing on the monitors before him.

    Phil Hunter Penpusher

    From this I am unsure as to the main conflict of the story. This could be about a man struggling with mental illness or about somebody who begins to investigate paranormal phenomena which are all too real. What does he do after seeing the apparitions?

    From this I am unsure as to the main conflict of the story. This could be about a man struggling with mental illness or about somebody who begins to investigate paranormal phenomena which are all too real.

    What does he do after seeing the apparitions?

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  2. Posted: August 19, 2015In:

    Unearthly follows the supernatural adventures of two young boys forced to set aside their differences and embark on a road trip in search of the witch that hexed them with a deadly curse.

    Phil Hunter Penpusher

    I think this would be improved by letting us know what these boys differences are and what the curse entails. You could cut the word count down by not mentioning the title or by saying it's a supernatural adventure, the concept should tell us the genre.

    I think this would be improved by letting us know what these boys differences are and what the curse entails.

    You could cut the word count down by not mentioning the title or by saying it’s a supernatural adventure, the concept should tell us the genre.

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