Hi Presario 2200 (sorry for my flagged anonymity, but I am having trouble logging in?)

[That is fine.]

The two most important elements are still unclear ? what EXACTLY is the threat (yes, he has infiltrated the sub with a virus, but the important part is what he actually intends to do…?); [He intends to kill her, and take her son. Her husband is a psycho. It is not that much different from any other abusive relationship that you hear about. The thing with this one is that Dr. Ryan and her husband are both highly trained in using what could be termed as “advanced psychology”. This is psychological warfare at its darkest level.] In addition ? what does she have to do to stop the threat?? Obviously, without a clear indication of the threat, you are going to be hard pressed in specifying what she HAS to do?[Her ex- husband is the threat. The virus he put into the computer system is the threat. Lose the computer, and you lose operational control of the vessel; helm does not respond, as well as communications, tactical, environmental control, engineering systems such as propulsion and reactor systems. Briefly, she is dead in the water; in this case, underwater.]
?she has to use her skills to help stop her husband and save everybody on board the sub?? ? this is close, but specifying HOW/ what skills she has to use would make the logline more interesting.

[During the crisis, the crew manages to get communications up, but barely. They contact NCIS because Gibbs is personally aware of her situation. SEE: NCIS Season 9. Therefore, she is able to provide NCIS with personal information to help them get him. Dr. Ryan, Agent Timothy McGee, and Forensics Scientist Miss Abigail Abby? Sciuto, are doing what they can onboard the sub. Agents Gibbs, DiNozzo, and Bishop, as well as Dr. Donald Ducky? Mallard, work out of NCIS to bring him down.]

[To understand what Dr. Ryan and PsyOps do, we need to understand what her department does. Psychological Operations – Planned operations to convey selected information and indicators to foreign audiences? so as to influence their emotions, motives, objective reasoning, and ultimately the behavior of foreign governments, organizations, groups, and individuals. The purpose of psychological operations is to induce or reinforce foreign attitudes and behavior favorable to the originator’s objectives. Also called PSYOP. See also overt peacetime psychological operations programs; perception management. Dictionary of Military and Associated Terms. US Department of Defense 2005. In this case, she knows how her husband thinks. She knows what he is capable of doing. In that way, she can help stop him. “Know your enemy” is a saying derived from Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. I looked this up on the internet.]

Below is just my spin as an example (yes, over thirty words, but hopefully a guide you could play with…):

When her vengeful ex threatens to blow-up a U.S. nuclear sub using a computer virus, the head of the Navy?s PsyOps must convince him to give up the virus code before California goes up in smoke.?

[Actually, because they already have that information, McGee, Abby, and the computer technicians on board the vessel, would be trying to stop the virus from doing further damage.]

[ When her vengeful ex threatens to destroy his ex-wife by destroying a U.S. state-of-the-art nuclear sub using a computer virus, the head of the Navy?s PsyOps must convince him to give up before the submarine goes down.?]

One last idea ? pitch it as a double episode? If it is good, it might help get your foot in the door there…?

[Well, what I am putting together now is for a movie, with a possible television show to follow. What do you mean by double episode?? Do you mean a two part episode??

Anyways ? best of luck with it again ? Tony Edward.