1. Posted: May 7, 2012In:

    A woman with a troubled past is contacted repeatedly by a serial killer who seems to know her deepest secrets.

    Ridleyfan

    Hi Kevin, looks like your script is headed in a great direction! - Great notes & feedback - For your logline however, I might suggest clarifying a bit - Help us understand their connection - Is she totally in the dark as to whom this is? - Are these random contacts in person? (Family member, herRead more

    Hi Kevin, looks like your script is headed in a great direction! – Great notes & feedback – For your logline however, I might suggest clarifying a bit – Help us understand their connection – Is she totally in the dark as to whom this is? –

    Are these random contacts in person? (Family member, her shrink, friend)or notes, phone calls etc?

    Not to reveal the identity of the antagonist, but maybe let a bit more of his or her motivation shine through. Again, the “how” of being contacted – Is she on the run? Is she a target, a muse…

    Just some thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. Posted: May 7, 2012In:

    When a woman has to leave her abusive husband, she moves to a remote community and must unite them with a school singing competition.

    Ridleyfan

    Good premise, I would just like to understand the school & singing connection a bit more? - Does she have a daughter or kids she takes with her? Also- Why is the community divided, and singing the key to uniting them? Could this be a "footloose" idea singing has been banned etc? Just a thought.

    Good premise, I would just like to understand the school & singing connection a bit more? – Does she have a daughter or kids she takes with her? Also- Why is the community divided, and singing the key to uniting them?

    Could this be a “footloose” idea singing has been banned etc? Just a thought.

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  3. Posted: April 10, 2012In:

    Having lost everything to the I.R.S., a wealthy and materialistic New York executive couple is forced to start all over again with nothing? in the heart of the Bermuda Triangle!

    Ridleyfan

    I like the premise a lot. Lot's of potential. However, just a thought -- The Bermuda Triangle almost seemed liked an after thought to me -- Why of all places after losing their money choose there & not say... Vegas? Many locations/set-ups could provide serious comedy when a materialistic coupleRead more

    I like the premise a lot. Lot’s of potential. However, just a thought — The Bermuda Triangle almost seemed liked an after thought to me — Why of all places after losing their money choose there & not say… Vegas? Many locations/set-ups could provide serious comedy when a materialistic couple loose there spending power & security.

    I am also wondering about maybe going a bit darker and starting in the Triangle? Their credit card fails, unable to purchase the tickets for the flight, etc. Leads to the discovery the accounts are drained?

    “Forced to stay in the Bermuda triangle after the IRS drained their bank accounts, and affluent New York couple must somehow start again”

    Just food for thought.

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