1. Posted: March 21, 2013In:

    Sarah Jane tells her story about how she over comes her past relationship and having to move on with life but is also struggling financially and having to look after her family and having to concentrate on her studies.

    rlakin

    It seems like you're narrating the story, you've got to many 'and'. What is her goal? What should we be expecting? What does she need to do to accomplish her goal? You haven't established that in your log line.

    It seems like you’re narrating the story, you’ve got to many ‘and’. What is her goal? What should we be expecting? What does she need to do to accomplish her goal? You haven’t established that in your log line.

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  2. Posted: March 21, 2013In:

    When writing teacher Karels students start failing, he must kick it into overdrive in order to get his students to pass before the end of the Semester.

    rlakin

    nice log line!

    nice log line!

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  3. Posted: March 21, 2013In:

    When a rogue cop is trying to keep his actions unnoticed, due to the killers that he cause.

    rlakin

    It doesn't sound like it's finished? 'When a rogue cop is trying to keep his actions unnoticed, due to the killers that he cause...' what should we be expecting to paint the goal in our heads?

    It doesn’t sound like it’s finished? ‘When a rogue cop is trying to keep his actions unnoticed, due to the killers that he cause…’ what should we be expecting to paint the goal in our heads?

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