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After the extinction of women and the destruction of the moon, an imaginative young man realizes that his sexuality is the one thing that may keep him alive.
I think my big problem is that I need to restructure the story (luckily I haven't actually started writing it yet). That's something I've struggled with a lot. I tried a lot of different permutations, trying to decide where certain events should go and what should be added/removed compared to the boRead more
I think my big problem is that I need to restructure the story (luckily I haven’t actually started writing it yet). That’s something I’ve struggled with a lot. I tried a lot of different permutations, trying to decide where certain events should go and what should be added/removed compared to the book version. I think I need to rethink it so that the queen appears on Earth closer to the beginning. That’s the root of my problem.
Right now, my inciting incident is the death of the mother and a call for the main character to move on with his life, fall in love, etc., and the act 1 break was the moon cracking, leading into the fallout, the arrival of the queen, and so on. I did that to avoid having a flashback to the mother’s death later in the movie (just have it come first instead). But maybe I SHOULD flash back or…just leave out that scene, which pains me to do, but maybe it’s necessary.
Thanks to both of you for helping me confirm that my structure and focus were still off!
Now I need to make some decisions about linearity, flashbacks (which I know we should generally avoid), and turning points. I feel like the logline usually comes first, but considering the nature of this story and the problems I’ve had, I think I need to work backward or, rather, work on the logline and the structure in tandem.
See lessAfter the extinction of women and the destruction of the moon, an imaginative young man realizes that his sexuality is the one thing that may keep him alive.
No, I get it. I think I'm struggling with the fact that (A) I don't want to give too much away in the logline and (B) I don't want it to be too on-the-nose. For the former, maybe you just have to. For the latter, I guess there's just a balance that you have to find. As for action, I'm trying to addRead more
No, I get it. I think I’m struggling with the fact that (A) I don’t want to give too much away in the logline and (B) I don’t want it to be too on-the-nose. For the former, maybe you just have to. For the latter, I guess there’s just a balance that you have to find.
As for action, I’m trying to add verbs, which are action words by definition, but apparently the ones I’m adding aren’t the right ones. 🙂 Here’s one that gives away more than I thought the logline would and probably has the wrong verbs again:
A decade after the last woman on Earth dies, her son must either accept his love for another man or risk becoming one of the many lonely, insane men who roam the streets; meanwhile, a civilization on the moon looks for survivors in the aftermath of a civil war.
I will say that the story IS kind of a downer, so while I feel your elephant comment, I’m not sure how to address that problem. Maybe it’s a problem inherent in the story. I happen to like dreary, tragic stories. Pan’s Labyrinth is one of my favorite movies, but it has an insanely dark ending.
That said, there is some hope at the end of my story, but it really takes place in the moon civilization story, which eventually connects to the Earth story. I’ve been holding back a crucial element, one that gives some hope, but I need to figure out whether I need to do that or not. I would love for it to be a surprise, but maybe that’s just not in the cards; maybe I have to reveal it upfront. In which case…bummer.
Okay. I guess I give up. Here’s the twist, which connects the Earth story to the moon story and gives away the message/some hope:
Unbeknownst to the moonlings, their queen has escaped the broken moon and crash-landed on a male-dominated Earth, only to be surrounded by lonely, psychologically broken men who haven’t seen a woman in ten years but who now feel the hope of sex. While her people search for survivors on the broken moon and give voice to the hope that they will find a way to repopulate their race?that maybe they are not alone and maybe there is life on other “moons” with which to commingle?the main character on Earth and his lover see a woman for the first time in a decade, feel nothing, and realize once and for all that it’s okay to be who they are (gay); there is more the one valid way to be. (i.e., to make it painfully obvious, there is life on other moons.)
See lessAfter the extinction of women and the destruction of the moon, an imaginative young man realizes that his sexuality is the one thing that may keep him alive.
Three new drafts, trying to feature the protagonist and objective goal while also hinting at the FULL story (not sure I've succeeded on the goal front; I've always struggled with that part): LIFE ON OTHER MOONS When the last woman on Earth dies, a young man struggles to understand who he is in a danRead more
Three new drafts, trying to feature the protagonist and objective goal while also hinting at the FULL story (not sure I’ve succeeded on the goal front; I’ve always struggled with that part):
LIFE ON OTHER MOONS
When the last woman on Earth dies, a young man struggles to understand who he is in a dangerous, male-dominated world; meanwhile, a civilization on the moon looks for survivors in the aftermath of a civil war.
or
When the last woman on Earth dies, a young man tries to understand love in a dangerous, male-dominated world; meanwhile, a civilization on the moon looks for survivors in the aftermath of a civil war.
or
When the last woman on Earth dies, a young man refuses to accept his love for another man in a dangerous, male-dominated world; meanwhile, a civilization on the moon looks for survivors in the aftermath of a civil war.
I had hoped to stay under 30 words, but this story is fighting that threshold. I’ve actually read that the best loglines are 25 words or fewer, but I’ve also heard 30 is a good number. And I think I’ve heard up to 50 words. Anyone have any length preferences they tend to stick to?
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