1. Posted: January 23, 2017In:

    After three girls are kidnapped by a man with multiple personalities they must find some of the different personalities that can help them while running away and staying alive from the others. – Split

    SouthWestSusie Logliner

    Hi Andrew Bates, Thanks for sharing your logline of Split.? It appears that the main character is the man with the multiple personalities, not the women. So the logline should reflect the main character and his goal. The kidnapping of the women appears to be the inciting event. You'd want to somethiRead more

    Hi Andrew Bates,

    Thanks for sharing your logline of Split.? It appears that the main character is the man with the multiple personalities, not the women. So the logline should reflect the main character and his goal. The kidnapping of the women appears to be the inciting event. You’d want to something more along the line of : When one of his 23 personalities kidnaps three women, a ?…

    Cheers, SouthWestSusie

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  2. Posted: January 19, 2017In:

    When an agoraphobic online student meets his soulmate, he gets a job at a bar to face his fear in public, only to find out that his love is a pop star.

    SouthWestSusie Logliner

    Hi savinh0, Thanks for sharing this. I see you've got a solid problem for your character. He's agoraphobic. That's a tough problem. I think there are an increasing number of people who might relate to that. Then the inciting event appears to be that he meets his soulmate. Perhaps you could expand thRead more

    Hi savinh0,

    Thanks for sharing this. I see you’ve got a solid problem for your character. He’s agoraphobic. That’s a tough problem. I think there are an increasing number of people who might relate to that. Then the inciting event appears to be that he meets his soulmate. Perhaps you could expand that a bit. Does he meet this soulmate in an online chat forum, dating site? I’m assuming he doesn’t meet the soulmate in a real life context because this inciting event appears to drive him outside. I’m not clear how he knows this person is his soulmate? If he’s convinced that this person is his soulmate, what would be so convincing that it would propel him to overcome that fear of leaving the house? There needs to be a specific quality, perhaps opposite to his to propel him to get out and hook up. And then the obvious would be the person isn’t what he thought. It seems to be that he is surprised the soulmate is a pop star but how does that matter because he did get out of the house, he resolved his problem, in a sense. A pop star might want a home-body type rather than someone in the limelight, so he might be the perfect mate for the pop star.

    Keep at it, and good luck.

    Cheers,

    SouthWestSusie 🙂

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  3. Posted: January 15, 2017In:

    when a freedom believer incites his tribe to be free , he gets caught by another one to be bought as a slave .

    SouthWestSusie Logliner

    Thanks for sharing, Allal. So, from this I understand that ?after inciting a rebellion, a freedom fighter is captured and put up for sale as a slave. Is ?that right? And so the story is now going to be about the character's attempt to escape slavery? Good luck with the redraft. Cheers, SouthWestSusiRead more

    Thanks for sharing, Allal.

    So, from this I understand that ?after inciting a rebellion, a freedom fighter is captured and put up for sale as a slave. Is ?that right? And so the story is now going to be about the character’s attempt to escape slavery?

    Good luck with the redraft.

    Cheers, SouthWestSusie

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