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  1. Posted: September 11, 2015In: Public

    To solve the puzzle of her family disappearance, a fraud investigator must find out the truth about her father who masterminded an international criminal heist

    Steven Fernandez Logliner
    Added an answer on October 8, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    I like the irony of a "fraud investigator" having to use her skills of investigation and deceit to track down a criminal father.? There is a potential character redemption arc here that could elevate the story above?being?just a?cross between "Focus" and "The Italian Job" (or "Oceans Eleven"?). I doRead more

    I like the irony of a “fraud investigator” having to use her skills of investigation and deceit to track down a criminal father.? There is a potential character redemption arc here that could elevate the story above?being?just a?cross between “Focus” and “The Italian Job” (or “Oceans Eleven”?).

    I don’t have a problem with the apparent convolution of plot elements as this is right in keeping with many contemporary screen stories – such as ‘Mission Impossible’ movies, “Focus”, ?”The Mentalist”, “Persons of Interest”, even “Terminator: Genisys” and ‘Avengers/Ultron’.

    My main issue with the logline [which is apparently an improvement from one or two past] is that the daughter/investigator needs a more compelling motive than simply to resolve a “puzzle”.? Was she expecting a cut of the profits?? Has she done a deal with the FBI to get off charges against her?? Is her daughter or mother being held hostage by a crime lord (or even third world dictator or? black ops mercenary company) who wants the heist back in their hands?? Any of these more dramatic pushes or pulls – especially with a ‘ticking clock’ implied – would make the character motivation (and therefore story concept) stronger and more engaging.

    Steven.

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  2. Posted: September 26, 2015In: War

    Adapted from the book The Last Stand of Fox Company about a real battle over six nights in subfreezing temperatures during the Korean War: A brainy captain and 250 inexperienced Marines defend a vital evacuation route against an invading horde of Chinese soldiers to save another 8,000 Marines from annihilation.

    Steven Fernandez Logliner
    Added an answer on September 26, 2015 at 3:23 am

    Great 'Battle of Thermopylae' type set up!? ?Compelling stakes and antagonist forces.? I do have a quibble about the Korean War setting ... It seems a bit too far back in the past ... However, the harsh snowy environment and the fact that this is not yet another Vietnam War flick are strong positiveRead more

    Great ‘Battle of Thermopylae’ type set up!? ?Compelling stakes and antagonist forces.? I do have a quibble about the Korean War setting … It seems a bit too far back in the past … However, the harsh snowy environment and the fact that this is not yet another Vietnam War flick are strong positives here.? So not pushing that angle.

    Hard to improve the logline, as it really states the stakes well.

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