Hi Jean-Marie,

I know I’m only now jumping onto this thread — but thought I’d add my two cents.

You should aim to get your logline down to 25-30 words…max. Also — names aren’t important and distract from expressing what your film/ story is actually about, unless the film is about actual historical or living people. Instead of names the logline should be telling us WHO your players are, by way of sex, age, role in society, or relationship to each other. I am sensing that you wish to make the logline INTRIGUING, and so a reader of the logline will want to know more… but at the moment it is just confusing and my initial reaction would not be to want to know more, but that the film will be confusing and not well structured.

I’d strongly suggest following dpg’s advice and try to simply state the MAIN POINT of the story. Don’t worry about making it intriguing…yet. From what you have said in your commentary this is essentially a love story (?) — so, with this in mind, as is the case with most love stories, give us the context of the love story and what is the thing/ person that stands in the way of that love. At the moment this is what I glean from the logline:

A young woman rescues a world famous journalist from a train crash and they fall in love. The young woman’s maid tries to encourage the budding relationship, but the maid’s father (or is it the young woman’s father) stands in the way…???… Again, this is just the way I’m reading it — and to be brutally honest there doesn’t seem to be much drama there. It would be better if it is clearly stated how the Father stands in the way of the relationship… he sounds like the antagonist to the love..?

Anyway, good luck with it.

Oh — and WHEN is it set?