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A Shakespearian actor becomes unable to tell reality from a play. When his character Mercutio dies he wanders through what he believes is the afterlife distressing his family and friends. Title : A grave man
"Do you have any tips on how to do this? Like a rule or something that could be useful to keep in mind?" I'm probably just doubling up on what Nir and others have said, but: Specifically define the OBJECTIVE goal of the Hero... Every other story element flows from this. If there is no goal there isRead more
“Do you have any tips on how to do this? Like a rule or something that could be useful to keep in mind?”
I’m probably just doubling up on what Nir and others have said, but:
Specifically define the OBJECTIVE goal of the Hero… Every other story element flows from this. If there is no goal there is no point.
Once you have that (VERY SPECIFIC OBJECTIVE) goal, take a look at a potential character flaw that would run in contrast to this (irony)..
Your concept has potential (particularly in terms of comedy…) — just figure out what this character WANTS given they believe themselves to now be dead.
best of luck:)
See lessA young Thomas Edison must win the top invention prize at the Worlds Fair to prove to his dream girl and her disapproving father that he is worthy before she marries a wealthy suitor.
Heya, A very lively bunch of comments here... Just my two cents -- my first thought when reading the logline was of "Shakespeare In Love" - Not based on any real historical info.. BUT... The hook here is that the film is set during the first production of The Bard's great romantic Opus... there's irRead more
Heya,
A very lively bunch of comments here…
Just my two cents — my first thought when reading the logline was of “Shakespeare In Love” – Not based on any real historical info.. BUT… The hook here is that the film is set during the first production of The Bard’s great romantic Opus… there’s irony splattered all over the concept, and very interesting to any Producer/ reader/ anyone in the Biz.
I’m not 100% with DPG here in regards to films of historical figures HAVING to be historically accurate with certain details (TBH – not many are, otherwise they’d be documentaries — See Inglorious Bastards/ The Untouchables/ JFK/ Steve Jobs (Aaron Sorkin’s in particular)/ Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter etc etc etc ) — what’s important is ?that the content is logical and believable in regards to context of the story you are presenting… My issue with your idea (well, the LOGLINE) is that it is too heavily focused on what I would deem to be the “B” story… the potential romance. I would suggest losing this aspect (even if you believe it’s Edison’s driving force) and instead focus on the competition, this to me is the “A” story — what stands in his way here, what is a young Edison’s potentially interesting flaw… Leave the B story for the film, and for any follow-up interest from those you hock the idea to.“Edison and another company did actually compete in a fierce competition during the 1893 Worlds Fair to light up the event.
The two inventions I had in mind involved the light bulb and telephone.”
I think if you re-write the logline with your above statement in mind you could glean more interest.
Anyways — It’s not terrible as is, and TBH I’d probs read it.
The other thing is in regards to feedback from folks on this site. It’s a wobbly tightrope one walks when providing feedback on loglines. A poorly structured logline can often lead to critical feedback of the IDEA ITSELF… which is understandable if the posted logline has logic or originality issues, or is not specific or clear enough… but I think it’s something to always be open to (critical feedback) as a logline with flaws usually is a big indicator to story flaws… not alawys so, but pretty frequently.
Best of luck:)
See lessWhen a commando is waken from a coma, he learns that he’s mostly machine and his kids have been kidnapped by a powerful warlord.
You have described the inciting incident only -- we need to know what the commando has to do in regards to this inciting incident... It reads as a very short unsatisfying film atm... Commando wakes from coma... "What?! I'm half android!!? Awesome..? Hang on, where are my kids??" The End. "An ex-commRead more
You have described the inciting incident only — we need to know what the commando has to do in regards to this inciting incident… It reads as a very short unsatisfying film atm… Commando wakes from coma… “What?! I’m half android!!? Awesome..? Hang on, where are my kids??” The End.
“An ex-commando, transformed into half a machine in a military experiment gone wrong, has 48 hours to track down an allusive General who has kidnapped his two young kids.”
..not the best, but just an example.
Best of luck.
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