1. Posted: June 24, 2022In:

    After having broken up with her partner, a woman overhears a young couple that is falling apart and attempts to save their relationship.

    tschrack Penpusher

    I'd be interested in hearing the "why" here. Is she trying to fill her relationship void through them? Overcome something?

    I’d be interested in hearing the “why” here. Is she trying to fill her relationship void through them? Overcome something?

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  2. Posted: June 24, 2022In:

    When two friends wake up to a sunless morning, they learn their roommate hasn’t come home from last night. After a failure to contact him or anyone else, they venture outside in an attempt to understand this anomaly.

    tschrack Penpusher

    Feels like you might be telling two separate stories here. Can you combine them into one fluid storyline?

    Feels like you might be telling two separate stories here. Can you combine them into one fluid storyline?

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  3. Posted: December 6, 2021In:

    A woman seeks vengeance against two men who made her life a living hell, her husband and a corrupt lawyer, but after she sets them up to kill on another, she struggles to prove her innocence when the police discover she had reason to kill them.

    tschrack Penpusher

    Hmm. This feels a bit long. Compelling but a bit too many words to get the point across. Could you start it with "When a *adj* woman orchestrates her husband and lawyer to kill each other, one cop connects the dots and she has to stay one step ahead of him."

    Hmm. This feels a bit long. Compelling but a bit too many words to get the point across. Could you start it with “When a *adj* woman orchestrates her husband and lawyer to kill each other, one cop connects the dots and she has to stay one step ahead of him.”

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