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Shannon meets Beau
My initial thought was "that's hilarious". Because I can't take it seriously if the ghost first has a pleasant evening of sex and THEN starts getting vengeful. Your set up is whacky in the kind of way that comedies can get away with, but not thrillers.
My initial thought was “that’s hilarious”. Because I can’t take it seriously if the ghost first has a pleasant evening of sex and THEN starts getting vengeful. Your set up is whacky in the kind of way that comedies can get away with, but not thrillers.
See lessThe Project
No protagonist, and also, they do all that FOR A CLASS PROJECT? Are they crapping money? And what kind of trap? What is at stake? What do they need to do? You're missing MOST of the components of a logline.
No protagonist, and also, they do all that FOR A CLASS PROJECT? Are they crapping money? And what kind of trap? What is at stake? What do they need to do? You’re missing MOST of the components of a logline.
See lessAfter a young girl finds a strange red cloak that influences and changes her behavior, her twin brother must rescue her from a strange forest before she completely forgets who she is.
I feel like I'd connect with this more if I knew the cape's goal. That may sound dumb but somebody enchanted this thing - to what end? "Influences and changes" is redundant, "influences and changes her behavior" is description overkill?if all it's doing is making her lose her memories, you could jusRead more
I feel like I’d connect with this more if I knew the cape’s goal. That may sound dumb but somebody enchanted this thing – to what end? “Influences and changes” is redundant, “influences and changes her behavior” is description overkill?if all it’s doing is making her lose her memories, you could just say that, which you already do a few words later… all this is making me think there’s more to the cape than memory loss, and if so, what and why? That would help with stakes, as well. And if the cape itself is the antagonist, then we definitely need to feel like it’s not just random.
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