1. Posted: February 15, 2018In:

    When a black high school football star mysteriously disappears, his four daring friends and their dog set out to find him, unraveling the dark secrets of their small town and a possible serial killer among the town?s elite.

    wendyj Logliner

    My main issue: "...his four daring friends and their dog ..." Because of the way it was written, it sounds like all four friends own the dog. As someone wrote above, mentioning the dog isn't needed. When a dog is part of the storyline, the story is usually family-friendly and wouldn't include a seriRead more

    My main issue:

    “…his four daring friends and their dog …”

    Because of the way it was written, it sounds like all four friends own the dog.

    As someone wrote above, mentioning the dog isn’t needed. When a dog is part of the storyline, the story is usually family-friendly and wouldn’t include a serial killer. Unless you plan on having the dog play a pivotal role in finding the missing football player, why include it in the logline and then have to use the space to clarify who owns the dog.

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  2. Posted: February 15, 2018In:

    As his best friend – an alcoholic old Hollywood star – begs for death, a young reporter sees his own fate and takes a dramatic step to rewrite the story of his life.

    wendyj Logliner

    Unlike others, I don't find the protagonist to be selfish. It's someone who had both lost a friend and got a wake=up call. I think the logline should include what actions were taken after the wake-up call.Using what you wrote in a comment above:After his best friend ? an alcoholic old Hollywood starRead more

    Unlike others, I don’t find the protagonist to be selfish. It’s someone who had both lost a friend and got a wake=up call. I think the logline should include what actions were taken after the wake-up call.

    Using what you wrote in a comment above:

    After his best friend ? an alcoholic old Hollywood star ? dies, a young reporter see his own fate, quits drinking, and meets people who would teach him how to walk on his own and rewrite the story of his life.

    You’d have to elaborate a bit on “meets people”. What kind of people? Small town? Eccentric? Lost souls? Wise women? Recovering alcoholics??

    The hope would be those people are interesting characters themselves.

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  3. Posted: February 15, 2018In:

    Spike a shy, autistic football genius finds a teams playbook, easily memorizes it, then morphs into a gregarious man about town while helping the head coach win the big game

    wendyj Logliner

    Richiev is right. Where's the conflict? Maybe Spike needs to help the coach before everyone finds out he found and memorized the playbook? The logline is a bit confusing. It makes it sound like the playbook had some sort of magical powers that, after reading it, caused Spike to morph into someone heRead more

    Richiev is right. Where’s the conflict?

    Maybe Spike needs to help the coach before everyone finds out he found and memorized the playbook?

    The logline is a bit confusing. It makes it sound like the playbook had some sort of magical powers that, after reading it, caused Spike to morph into someone he, maybe, had always wanted to become.

    I’m also confused with the term “football genius”. Is he an extremely gifted player or is he a superfan who knows the sport inside and out?

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