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After a machete wielding gang murder his partner, a vengeful drug mule hides with a geriatric cripple in his station wagon, to chase and kill the psychotic crew.
This logline works pretty well, although I agree it could be shorter.? However,? the problem that comes through in the character of the mule. His only characteristic is that he is vengeful - which happens during the story. Who is he before this? Also, is a simple drug mule really going to become anRead more
This logline works pretty well, although I agree it could be shorter.? However,? the problem that comes through in the character of the mule. His only characteristic is that he is vengeful – which happens during the story. Who is he before this? Also, is a simple drug mule really going to become an enforcer? If he was a violent character, wouldn’t he normally have ended up in some other role than mule? Has he snapped, or have they mistakenly messed with the wrong guy?
See lessPresent day: After his mother is accidentally killed during a father-son quarrel, a young martial artist must find his long-lost uncle – to explain his mother’s dying words, while he is relentlessly pursued by his father, a martial arts master who has vowed to kill him.
Probably worth reviewing the punctuation and structure (the "Present Day" is unnecessary, while the hyphen is strangely placed). That aside, the inciting incident and the action seem to be working well in your idea here. Might be worth developing the main character more - "young martial artist" is aRead more
Probably worth reviewing the punctuation and structure (the “Present Day” is unnecessary, while the hyphen is strangely placed).
That aside, the inciting incident and the action seem to be working well in your idea here. Might be worth developing the main character more – “young martial artist” is a bit nondescript. What is the journey they they go on? What is it that changes in them over the course of the story? Add this primary characteristic, in a word or two, into the character description – and ideally, have it relate to the plot in an interesting way.
See lessWhen an overprotected teenager? falls in love with an older rock-climber with trust problems, she convinces him to help her climb the dangerous “Watcher Crack” – but halfway up the wall they witness a murder and find themselves the target of a homicidal maniac desperate to cover his tracks.
Thanks guys - good points!
Thanks guys – good points!
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