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  1. Posted: March 19, 2018In: Action

    When an abusive, powerful sniper surfaces to take back his ex-girlfriend, the godfather reaches out to a former assassin to defend her until the sniper is dead.

    FreeWill Logliner
    Added an answer on March 19, 2018 at 4:05 pm

    Agree with CraigDGriffiths - "until the sniper is dead" is unnecessary, we don't need to know how it ends. Also, he repositioned the protagonist as the assassin doing the defending, where your original logline has the abusive sniper as the protagonist.

    Agree with CraigDGriffiths – “until the sniper is dead” is unnecessary, we don’t need to know how it ends. Also, he repositioned the protagonist as the assassin doing the defending, where your original logline has the abusive sniper as the protagonist.

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  2. Posted: March 14, 2018In: Drama

    After a lovesick flight attendant and the wife of a doppelganger of a famous actor becomes pregnant by him, he sets out to convince them to share a home with him.

    Best Answer
    FreeWill Logliner
    Added an answer on March 19, 2018 at 10:41 am

    In my opinion it is the fact that this story idea says so much about the nature of our society, gender, superficiality, objectification? (for both male and female characters to some degree) that makes it interesting.? The characters are all flawed in ways that really cut to the bone for the point ouRead more

    In my opinion it is the fact that this story idea says so much about the nature of our society, gender, superficiality, objectification? (for both male and female characters to some degree) that makes it interesting.? The characters are all flawed in ways that really cut to the bone for the point our society is at at the moment.

    For this reason, it will be extremely delicate to tell, and I agree with dpg that so far the pitching has been a little indelicate – but this is not a discouragement. These things are hard. My advice is take the feedback and make sure you know the moral arch of the main character and can tell the story in a way that makes them likeable.

    I agree with the other commenters that the meat of the story is still absent. “Sets out to convince them to share a house together” is the wrong action. “Sets out to make things right” is better, and I think the story then involves the protagonist learning about their perspectives and what he needs to do in order to make things right with them.

    His motivation is a determination not to be a bad father to his children, perhaps because of his own absent father. He realises that he can’t be a good father (to either a son or a daughter) without fixing his own emotional problems and learning to treat other people in his life with respect.

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  3. Posted: March 13, 2018In: Noir

    A smooth talking, but psychologically damaged, criminal with face-blindness rips off a dangerous drug-lord with help from his tough-guy brother. When they are betrayed by their psychopathic accomplice, he must overcome his psychological challenges and track the psychopath through the underground world of experimental hallucinogenic psycho-therapy in order to retrieve the drugs and prevent his brother being murdered.

    FreeWill Logliner
    Added an answer on March 19, 2018 at 10:03 am

    Lots to think about here, thanks everyone for your comments. A friend suggested we are mixing together two seperate stories here - one is mystery story where the detective has face-blindness, and the other is a drama about a face-blind crim healing from early life trauma. So... 1) When his brother iRead more

    Lots to think about here, thanks everyone for your comments.

    A friend suggested we are mixing together two seperate stories here – one is mystery story where the detective has face-blindness, and the other is a drama about a face-blind crim healing from early life trauma.

    So…

    1) When his brother is held ransom over a stolen drug shipment, a recluse with face-blindness must track down the drugs and return them before his brother is killed.
    2) A callous face-blind criminal is socially isolated and depends on his brother for everything, but when his brother is hospitalised during a bungled heist he is forced to forge new relationships and confront his traumatic past

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