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  1. Posted: July 23, 2015In: Public

    After a vagabond takes shelter in an abandon building, he discovers an alien invasion and must thwart it before the walls come tumbling down.

    WritingRenegade
    Added an answer on July 24, 2015 at 1:28 am

    I think this sounds like the beginning of a great idea. I would add to Nir's comments: WHY are they trapped in an abandoned building (why can't they just run away)? Why are they vagabonds? Are they mentally ill? Homeless due to financial problems? "Hobos" by choice of lifestyle? Also, yes, we need ORead more

    I think this sounds like the beginning of a great idea.

    I would add to Nir’s comments: WHY are they trapped in an abandoned building (why can’t they just run away)? Why are they vagabonds? Are they mentally ill? Homeless due to financial problems? “Hobos” by choice of lifestyle?

    Also, yes, we need ONE main protaganist and the rest are his/her supporting cast. Finally, why in the world are the aliens so focussed on one building? Perhaps, the government has locked the aliens in the building without realizing it was “occupied” and now it’s an “Alien” the movie scenario, but on Earth.

    Maybe that introduces a ticking bomb: the government is set to blow up the building at some immediate point in the future. So time is also an element?

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  2. Posted: July 16, 2015In: Public

    When his wife is kidnapped, a modern-day sorcerer (and NYC detective) hunts down her sadistic captor; but when the trail goes cold and even his supernatural friends can't help him, he must learn that love is the most powerful magic of all, before his wife is lost forever.

    WritingRenegade
    Added an answer on July 17, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    Hey Nir, Thanks for commenting. Actually your take is MUCH closer to my actual script than mine is. MAN, I'm bad at this. Okay, so here's a new take, using your logline as the basis. After his wife is kidnapped, a world-weary New York City detective must rely on a clairvoyant sorceress and an assortRead more

    Hey Nir, Thanks for commenting.

    Actually your take is MUCH closer to my actual script than mine is. MAN, I’m bad at this. Okay, so here’s a new take, using your logline as the basis.

    After his wife is kidnapped, a world-weary New York City detective must rely on a clairvoyant sorceress and an assortment of fantastical creatures to help him find her and stop the sadistic abductor?before she is murdered.?

    I added a before [All is Lost]? clause at the end, but I?m not sure it?s needed? Also, does “world weary” best describe someone who would be the last person to believe in, let alone rely on, fantastical creatures”? Maybe your original “cynical” was the right choice. Almost there, I think.

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  3. Posted: July 16, 2015In: Public

    When his wife is kidnapped, a modern-day sorcerer (and NYC detective) hunts down her sadistic captor; but when the trail goes cold and even his supernatural friends can't help him, he must learn that love is the most powerful magic of all, before his wife is lost forever.

    WritingRenegade
    Added an answer on July 16, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    Great points, thank you. Needs a lot more work, I can see that now. It helps just to have someone look at your logline I'm finding out. When it sits there and someone comments, it now looks so useless. Back to the drawing board (the logging board?)!

    Great points, thank you. Needs a lot more work, I can see that now. It helps just to have someone look at your logline I’m finding out. When it sits there and someone comments, it now looks so useless. Back to the drawing board (the logging board?)!

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