Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A man?s wife is murdered while investigating undead shadow people, leading him to delve into the nature of these creatures.
Thank you very much for the feedback! This is my first time ever doing a logline and I think I got caught up in making it as short as possible rather than clear.
Thank you very much for the feedback! This is my first time ever doing a logline and I think I got caught up in making it as short as possible rather than clear.
See lessWhen a basketball star learns of his own childhood abduction, his guilty mother becomes a vengeful rival, jeopardizing his shot at championship glory.
I like how the pitch is given in terms of tone and the active language, but there is something that's confusing me. If the mother is a vengeful rival, is she playing basketball against him? If she's old enough to be his mother, isn't she too old to be playing professional basketball? Was she responsRead more
I like how the pitch is given in terms of tone and the active language, but there is something that’s confusing me. If the mother is a vengeful rival, is she playing basketball against him? If she’s old enough to be his mother, isn’t she too old to be playing professional basketball? Was she responsible for his abduction, therefore why she’s guilty, or does she just feel guilty? It ends up raising more questions than answers.
It really does depend if the mother is playing basketball too, but if she’s just trying to botch his shot at being in the championships, I don’t think rival is the right word your looking for. You should also clarify if she’s responsible for this abduction, if it’s something revealed early in the story. If it’s a plot twist, though, you may want to take out abduction and make it like, “secret about his childhood,” so you don’t spoil your twist.
See lessA hopelessly bad-tempered aspiring cop in a crime-filled city is bitten by a vampire, giving him the supernatural powers necessary to defeat the criminals overpowering the local police force.
You could probably get away with removing "hopelessly bad-tempered," since it's not necessary to know for the basic plot. I like it otherwise and tells me exactly what it is. I think removing that one chunk will make it shorter and more concise.
You could probably get away with removing “hopelessly bad-tempered,” since it’s not necessary to know for the basic plot. I like it otherwise and tells me exactly what it is. I think removing that one chunk will make it shorter and more concise.
See less