Our New Sound
Nicholas Andrew HallsSamurai
An emotionally stunted musician hits the road with an aspiring producer in order to track down the woman who has been the subject of all his work since she broke his heart in high school.
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This is a great idea for a story, I am surprised it hasn’t been done before.
Is emotionally stunted and musician redundant? (I kid, I kid)
I wonder if “His muse” would work instead of “the subject of all his work?” (Just and idea)
I can see the idea…but What is the musician goal? Is it to win her over? Is it to gloat how successful he is? To get closure?
The logline doesn’t clearly show what his goal is.
Is she the Antagonist? Is tracking her location the only obstacle to overcome?
I can see Andrews point. Maybe hinting towards a goal in the logline is a good idea.
“After the failure of his last two albums, A rock legend goes on a quest to find the subject of his biggest hits; the girl who broke his heart in high school.
You could also tag on something like, “but will finding his muse rekindle his passion for the music” or you could add, “and along the way he finds himself”
But since I don’t know the entire story these are just guesses.
Along the lines of what has been said above, I might suggest something like “A broke, dried up musician hits the road in search of the high school sweetheart who inspired his success with a deadly loan shark hot on his tail.” Perhaps not your story exactly but it includes the essential elements I think of protagonist, goal, stakes, and antagonist. Nice idea. Good luck!!
Wow guys, such great suggestions!
Conceptually, the film is about not being able to let go of things – how that can cripple you emotionally and creatively. Originally, the idea was that he was in a band that hadn’t made it yet – that is, their chances of success were dwindling, the rest of the band was leaving, and he was drowning writing songs about the same girl, the same incident, over and over … but …
Richiev’sn suggestion to make him a faded star, someone who was once huge, with his glory days behind him and biggest hits were about her. It gives that character a much clearer reason to seek her out – I’m thinking to rekindle the romance and see what that inspires in him. (Originally, it was more at the urging of the producer / mentor character).
Phil – thanks for the suggestion of a clearer antagonist. I can see what you’re saying – that the stakes need to be higher, and there needs to be a face put to the antagonistic forces in the film. Whilst I don’t want to insert a loan-shark sub plot (at this stage … i won’t rule it out entirely), I’ll have a nice long think about what the ‘ticking clock’ can be.
Anyway, I’ll keep musing on this one. Again, thanks heaps.
I think it’s a great, simple concept and almost a great logline. The back-end is a bit wordy:
“…to track down the inspiration of his songs: his former high school sweatheart.”
Immediately, songs like “Taxi” and “Lucy in The Sky with Diamonds” comes to mind, as both songs were the result of this very premise. I think the title is bad, though, and would strongly encourage you to consider something like “Lucy in The Sky”, or a title of one of his original songs.
I’d pay to see this story! Good job.
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge
Hey guys – all extremely helpful and positive feedback. It’s gotten me very excited about this project. Will submit a revised logline today, to see how we go.