Logliner
Posted: 2012-12-07T11:26:38+10:00 In:

When a mysterious but overtly sexual bombshell begins crushing him at the local casino, a socially removed poker genius struggles to maintain his personal fortune, investors money and sanity under control.

The Poker Crush

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    8 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Not a bad start, I would try to shorten it a bit:

      When a mysterious bombshell begins to flirt with him, a socially inept poker genius must keep his cool or lose the big tournament.

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    2. Logliner

      Hi Richiev,

      Thank you for your feedback. This is my first logline I’ve ever written so I’ve been struggling with it a little. Just to clarify, when I use the word “crushing” it means “beating” or “defeating.” In Poker terminology, to crush someone is to beat them in the game and take all their money. So what I’m trying to imply is, that this girl is incredibly and distractingly HOT as well as highly intelligent, so much so that this Poker genius is losing for the first time since he became a pro player.

      Also, he’s not a tournament poker player but a “cash games” player meaning that he plays on a daily basis as if it were a job – he turns up at the casino, he sits down and he plays an 8 hour or longer session until he walks away with winnings.

      With this in mind how about:

      When a mysterious but overtly sexual bombshell begins smashing his daily game, a socially removed poker genius struggles to maintain his personal fortune, investors money and sanity.

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    3. I’d take out ‘overtly sexual’ since this is already implied by ‘bombshell’.

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    4. Singularity

      Thanks for the clarification andrewclau. I thought you meant she was crushing on him.

      I agree with Lucius, Bombshell sets an image in your mind so overtly sexual is redundant.

      How about this:

      “When a mysterious bombshell begins beating him at poker, a socially inept gambler must find a way to overcome her charms or lose his investors money.”

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    5. I was also confused by the crushing. I take it he’s going to struggle to compose himself due to her hotness! What genre is it?

      I think the idea works but your first attempt is a little word heavy and I agree with the others that certain descriptive words should be removed.

      Richiev’s attempt is good but think you need to create your own spin on it, as you know more of the story, so it doesn’t seem flat.

      For your first one though it is a good start.

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    6. Logliner

      Thanks everybody for your comments and helpful feedback.

      I think I will definitely be removing the word “crushing” from the logline as it’s been confusing for everyone. I’ll keep it mind that not everyone is aware of poker speak.

      Kriss, I agree with you that the logline is word heavy so I’ll be looking to pare it back about five or six words.

      This story would be somewhere between a drama and a comedy – a dramedy!

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    7. I have no idea why there is such a problem with the word “crushing”. It’s a term used in all sports to indicate when one side is beating the other by such a large margin there’s no way for the other side to recover.

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    8. Singularity

      If he said, she was “crushing him poker” it would work, but if he says “crushing him at the local casino” it gets a little confusing.

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