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4 reviews
I see the genre listed as a drama, sad to say I can see it produced as a comedy. I enjoyed watching God in Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty. His alpha fiend and psycho-tortures him, sounds like the devil trying to convince the protagonists to do something....The goal is clear but can be clearer.
Oh, Goddess
When online haters call for his institutionalization, a tortured man claiming to be the New Age Messiah must convince a state ordered psychiatrist he’s not crazy.
Needs work Clear, difficult goal Filmable incident Stakes and urgency Specificity
>> alpha friend turns alpha fiend.
I like that; I think it works. But...
>>>the abyss
Huh? Movies are a visual medium, so key elements in a logline must be concrete. That is, they must translate into visible objects and/or action on the screen. I intuit a metaphorical sense of "abyss". But what's the visual?
>>replace religion
Replace with what? The plot goal is a half measure and a vague one at that. What's the specific, concrete fully fleshed out goal?
>>>the abyss = madness, derangement, or a chaotic hell might be better, but there is no visual it's purely mental, except that my face became disfigured and my eyes looked twisted, but those are not succinct, and if I say madness or derangement, people will automatically assume the whole Goddess thing is due to madness or derangement.
>>> replace religion: With nature. But the goal was to find SOMETHING new that would replace religion. Just economy of words in the logline. So, replace religion with something new or replace religion with nature, but the MAIN goal was to find something new.
Thanks
Who is he trying to save? Himself? The whole world?
Less save the world or anyone, more start the world over again without the headcase caused by religions. Afraid I need another sentence, because the goal, after the miracles and the Goddess speaking is to make the story a movie. That's the story goal, to get the story made into a movie. The climax is a producer greenlighting production.