Revised Logline…A young, bot obsessed girl, from an Australian/ Muslim family is a finalist for a Robotics Competition, but when her volatile, dysfunctional family smash her robot, she must rebuild it and her family to compete in a game that will put her to the ultimate test.

In the context of the protagonist's family, recent immigrants to a strange new land, ?traditions would be everything . ?That's the aspect of the story that most engages my interest, ?the clash between modernity and tradition, the old and the new. ? It's an authentic complication, a major obstacle the protagonist will have to clear in her quest to go to college. ?It's what differentiates the story, sets it apart from other stories of young women struggling to go to college.

My take:
After her father destroys her entry into a university robotics competition, an immigrant girl from a?traditional Muslim family defies her parents to build a second one to win an engineering scholarship.
(32 words)

This is a film I would like to see. ?Best wishes with your script.

In the context of the protagonist's family, recent immigrants to a strange new land, ?traditions would be everything . ?That's the aspect of the story that most engages my interest, ?the clash between modernity and tradition, the old and the new. ? It's an authentic complication, a major obstacle the protagonist will have to clear in her quest to go to college. ?It's what differentiates the story, sets it apart from other stories of young women struggling to go to college.

My take:
After her father destroys her entry into a university robotics competition, an immigrant girl from a?traditional Muslim family defies her parents to build a second one to win an engineering scholarship.
(32 words)

This is a film I would like to see. ?Best wishes with your script.

I suggest reverse engineering the goal, motivation and inciting incident, in the current version there still is a lack of causality between them.

If her goal is to get the scholarship, what would be a logical obstacle for getting it? The robotics contest, not poverty.

What is a logical inciting incident to motivate her to enter the contest? The only thing I can come up with is the contest's announcement - same as with Charlie in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

If she is poor then the odds are already stacked against her - building a robot isn't cheap?nor is it easy. Her being a migrant is an added obstacle, but the traditions of her family are not. She has already parted ways with tradition by choosing to enter the contest, therefore these traditions hold very little stake over her and the potential emotional hang-ups her family may have are incidental and need not be mentioned in the logline.