Penpusher
Posted: 2012-06-08T08:10:20+10:00 In:

Shaming his family whilst alive is nothing compared to what they have to overcome now that Lee's dead and unwed.

Hi there. Throwing some ideas around on a concept I’ve been playing with for a little while now.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Sounds like the making of a comedy here.

      As it stands this doesn’t really read well as a logline on the account of lacking clarification of its main component.
      Perhaps try and specify the MC, as it stands it sounds like the family as a collective which means a multi protagonist plot. Once the MC is in place figure out what they want give them a goal.

      Hope this helps Nir.

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    2. Samurai

      This just doesn’t tell us enough about the story. I have no idea what it’s about.

      And Lee appears to be the protagonist, but he’s dead?

      Is this a supernatural thriller? It’s just not clear enough.

      Who’s story is it? What do they want? and what does being unwed have to do with it?

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    3. maybe you should say something about why this being unwed is a problem. Is there a kid? What is the nature of the problems the family has to deal with, emotional, material, technical?

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    4. it needs to be clear, after i read it I had no idea what it was about or the strycture. I recommend going to the “write it” section at the top of the page.

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