KnowledgeKnight

Logliner · 375 points

155 points to Samurai

9 loglines
23 reviews

When a teenager discovers he can summon a spiritual beast when in danger, he will have to learn how to control his gift if he is to stop a murder who targets those with abilities like himself.

June 26, 2014
When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, leaves his home in a fit of rage, he will have to discover what it means to be truly free if he is to survive on his own.

February 4, 2014
“After a young buffalo witnesses his mother’s torture and death at the hands of Native Americans, he will have to discover the true meaning of courage before he transforms into what he fears most.”

February 4, 2014
“When a high school student’s negative emotions manifest in the form of other students, he will have to vanquish each one before they spread their emotions and cause complete chaos.”

January 12, 2014
“When Paul, a lonely high school student, starts seeing his negative emotions manifest in the form of people he will have to confront the greatest enemy of all: himself.”

January 11, 2014
“When Chris is forced to participate in The Underground, a series of secret fighting matches at his high school, he has to become the champion if he is going to take down the man that rules this brutal contest.”

June 13, 2013
When Sam Blake, a successful hitman, discovers he has a fatal disease he vows to never kill an innocent person again, but the only way a hitman retires is to sign The Agenda, a list of targets, and compete against other hitmen to see who can rack up the most kills…so Sam decides to eliminate the competition.

May 21, 2013
“When Sam Blake, the best hitman in the US, wants to retire and right his wrongs, he will have to do what he swore he would never do again.”

May 20, 2013
A crime lord recruits high school teenagers to covertly work his drugs for him. The FBI responds by forming a top secret project and recruiting and training their own team of teenagers to take him down.

July 24, 2012

on When a teenager discovers he can summon a spiritual beast when in danger, he will have to learn how to control his gift if he is to stop a murder who targets those with abilities like himself.

Thanks for the feedback. How about: "When a teenager discovers he can summon a spiritual beast when in danger, he must learn to control his gift in order to stop a murderer who targets those with this ability." What do…
on An alien soldier must break all the rules to protect humanity from self-destruction or lose the human woman he loves, forever.

I like it but perhaps explain a little why the soldier is there in the first place: Is he by himself?, did he crash-land? etc... I really like the concept though. How about: "When an alien soldier develops a bond…
on When the human race is forced to evacuate Earth, it leaves behind an aging, osteoporotic millionaire, who finds solace and purpose in the company of an autistic child.

I like your rewrite a lot. I can feel the tears flowing already from the emotional attachment to the two characters. Perhaps the millionaire could of lived his entire life trying to find happiness in wealth but finds out that…
on When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, leaves his home in a fit of rage, he will have to discover what it means to be truly free if he is to survive on his own.

I'm not sure exactly. I was thinking perhaps he would have been friends with some prey animal when he was young or some prey animal could have saved his life earlier. I don't think I want him to be 'black…
on When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, leaves his home in a fit of rage, he will have to discover what it means to be truly free if he is to survive on his own.

I really like your suggestion. I think that really sums up what's going on. Thanks!
on When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, leaves his home in a fit of rage, he will have to discover what it means to be truly free if he is to survive on his own.

When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, refuses to kill his first prey, he is banished and will have to learn how to survive without losing what he stands for, if he is to prove his family wrong."…
on When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, leaves his home in a fit of rage, he will have to discover what it means to be truly free if he is to survive on his own.

Thanks for the info! Perhaps: "When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, leaves his home in a fit of rage, he will have to learn how to survive with his newfound freedom if he is to prove to…
on “After a young buffalo witnesses his mother’s torture and death at the hands of Native Americans, he will have to discover the true meaning of courage before he transforms into what he fears most.”

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm going to take the advice into consideration and post another version of this concept.
on “Sent to evaluate the crew and staff of a new U.S. state-of-the-art nuclear submarine during its trial runs, the head of the U. S. DoD PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board. Will this deadly psychological war destroy everything?”

This seems very fatty to me, I think you could trim a lot off of it and still retain the story. Also one sentence is better that two. Perhaps: "Sent by the Department of Defense to evaluate a nuclear submarine…
on A reformed thief decides to help his reclusive brother, court his dream girl, when he discovers she’s the daughter of a wealthy investment banker.

If the thief is reformed then why does he want his brother ot go after the wealthy girl? Perhaps you should say "former" instead of thief so that we understand that his motivation is the money. "Relationship phobic brother" sounds…