When a teenager discovers he can summon a spiritual beast when in danger, he will have to learn how to control his gift if he is to stop a murder who targets those with abilities like himself.

Hi KnowledgeKnight,
Sounds like a revamp of "Jumper" to me. There the twist is that his own mother was actually one of those who were after "gifted" people. What is the twist in your story and how does it innovate on the idea of someone being persecuted for being different/special? This is a very recurrent theme in countless stories... Is your hero the one actively hunting down the hunter, or is he on the run like Jumper?

oops - wasn't logged int for that Lx comment.

Hey KK. Your first version worked for me and the second fixed a little error. As a story idea it grabbed me. I'm fine with a "spiritual beast: Of course I don't know what it is, and that makes it interesting. Internal / external - it's your story idea, you decide. The somehow knowing murderer created a sense of mystery for me. How does the murderer know, how does he/she find your teenager and why is the possession of this gift a cause to murder? All intriguing questions. I see some parallels in your story with "Jumper" of 2008 - Kid, special power, need to control, targeted because of special power. Just a heads up to make sure your story is different.

As Richiev said. And what is a "spiritual beast"?

Whatever. I would find it a more interesting story if the real problem is not externalized, but internalized. Rather than the murderer without, the teen is threatened by the murderer that develops within. The inner beast starts out as the kid's savior against bullies, et al, but because he abuses the power, it transmorgifies into his own worst enemy. (The Dark Side of the Force meets the Sorcerer's Apprentice.)

fwiw.

btw I'm not sold on the 'he will have to learn how to control his gift' line.

(Mainly because it's vague and as written could probably be shown in a two minute montage. Music pounds, he's bad at summoning the creature, he does some meditating, He's better at summoning the creature, does some push-ups, he's is an expert.)

How does he lean to control his gift. Does he seek out a mentor? A wizard? a Priest?
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"After he's targeted by a serial killer because of his new found power to summon a spiritual beast, a meek teen must seek a reclusive wizard, if he's refine his skills and defeat the madman.?
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Hope that helped, good luck with this!

After he's targeted by a serial killer because of his power to summon a spiritual beast, a meek teen must refine his skills if he's to defeat the madman."

*By the way, I have know Idea what a spiritual beast is*

Thanks for the feedback.
How about:

"When a teenager discovers he can summon a spiritual beast when in danger, he must learn to control his gift in order to stop a murderer who targets those with this ability."

What do you think?

murderer. "if he is" seems unnecessary. Try 'must' instead of 'will have to learn how to'. Not sure how to clean up 'himself' as there is some confusion as to whether you are referring to the teenager or the murderer.