?When a man realizes the creatures, he?s been convinced his whole life weren?t real, are actually trying to take over the world, will he turn against what end up being his own kind, or save his new love, and the rest of the human race?? ? UNKNOWN POWER by Judah Ray ?

This defeats the whole purpose of a logline because it’s all tease, no tell.

It doesn’t tell what the inciting incident is.
It doesn’t tell what the objective goal of the main character is.
It doesn’t tell what’s at stake, why it makes any difference whether anyone believes the main character or not.

Visions about what? What makes his visions special, of dramatic interest that they trigger dramatic action?

“Define the human race” ?

???? ?

What does that mean? ?What’s the visual moment on that? ?Film is a visual medium and objective goals have to have a ?visual correlate that cues the audience that the protagonist has achieved ?(or fallen short) of his objective goal.

Example: ?a sprinter’s objective goal is to win Olympic gold. ?The visual moment on that is: If he breaks the tape at the Olympic games he succeeds. ?If a competitor breaks the tape, he fails.

Again what is the visual for “defining the human race”? ?What does that moment LOOK like on a movie screen?

Re the revision:

Loglines imply a dramatic question but don’t explicitly raise the question. ?Again the example of the sprinter: ?his objective goal implicitly raises the question: ?will he succeed? ?But the logline would not be written in the form of a question.

So, the protagonist comes to realize he’s not imagining an invading species and that they are his kind. ?But he’s got good vibes about humanity. ?So: what becomes his objective goal in the context of his predicament? ?What must he do to save homo sapiens sapiens from his own species?