A drug addict finds salvation in the love of his life. He however loses her after a job loss and the estrangement drives him to commit sucide. Seeking forgivness he confronts her once more to alieve his self condemnation.
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Whoa… Lots of darkness there. Is this a feature film?
First question before we go into the story: Will an audience want to pay to see this? You don’t give us the promise of a cinematic journey. It reads more like a very internalised personal story like we love to read in novels.
Now, make sure you avoid typos in your logline. If there’s a typo in a sentence of less than 25 words, I am reluctant to open a 110 page screenplay. But that’s just me.
There’s a story, that’s for sure: a guy needs to redeem himself. This CAN work as it has been done successfully so many times.
Now, the objective is very much an internal one “to seek forgiveness” and this is not cinematic. Movies with only an inner journey fail over and over again at the box office. In the hands of a very skilled writer, it can be compensated by a second lead character that has a main visible/outer goal. But I would dig deep and see if there is a clear, tangible goal for your character as well. Otherwise it is going to be an uphill battle to make this work – let alone sell it.
But don’t despair! We’re here to learn and improve. Feel free to post an updated version in the comments below.
Thank you for contributing!