Roxi finds her family album in an old abandon house, where it turns out to be the only link in finding her long lost twin brother who holds a secret

Hi,
Thank you for your feedback... I did a bit of editing. What do you think about this....

Roxi is a FBI Agent, who finds her family album in an old abandon house, where it turns out to be the only link in finding her long lost twin brother who holds the secret of the FBI cold case.

I agree with you Deb, except that we don't need to know what she did in the abandoned house. It's only the inciting incident. We need more detail about what happens in Act 2, not Act 1.

if you want to sell it, it has to be clear, not vague or mysterious. it is too vague, what is the mystery? and what is she doing in an abandoned house?