This is a screenplay that I’m currently working on for submission to Amazon Studios. Any critique would be greatly appreciated.
After a mild-mannered coroner awakens to find he?s become a zombie, not even a decaying body or a band of rogue survivors can deter thoughts of his unfaithful wife: he?s gonna kill that bitch.
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Love me a good zombie concept! It’s a bit long, so I think you cut out the middle.
“After a mild-mannered coroner awakens to find he?s become a zombie, he can’t stop thinking about his unfaithful wife; he?s gonna kill that bitch!”
The logline would entice me to read this screenplay- or at least the first ten pages! Good job!
Yes, much better shark….must be short and sweet….
There is a possibility of someone being off put by the use of bitch, but it’s quite an attention grabber! I’m intrigued, so good job.
I understand that loglines should be short and to the point…however, I felt it necessary to include an actual antagonist (decaying body and rogue survivors) rather than implied. I’ll consider your edit though. Thanks for the feedback.
Anton William Blake: I thought about the use of the word bitch, but hey, you have to have that shock value. =)
Sounds fun!
My stab at it- When a murdered coroner awakens to find himself a zombie revenge against his faithless wife is the only thing on his mind.
Gab, in your version I’m not sure what ‘rogue survivors’ are survivors of? And the fact that he is a zombie makes ‘decaying flesh’ a given so I don’t think you need that description. The impediment to his success might be that he is the only zombie in town and has to remain incognito while trying to revenge his death…?