Blue Parrot

Wordsmith · 560 points

1,940 points to Mentor

4 loglines
36 reviews

A washed up celebrity in a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife, is knocked unconscious by a plane crash and awakens believing he is a super hero from one his films.

February 26, 2015
A disillusioned nuclear missile silo officer, yearning for job satisfaction, gets more than he bargained for when Earth is occupied by alien invaders and saving mankind means destroying Washington DC.

October 6, 2014
When a stubborn, reclusive young man gets separated from his family during a jungle trek, he must learn to adapt and survive if he is going to rescue his parents from a separatist rebel holding them hostage.

October 4, 2014
In the final days of WWII, when a B-29 carrying the 3rd atomic bomb to be dropped on Japan crash lands on a small enemy held island the pilot, Capt. Mark Younger is captured and imprisoned in a POW camp where he must choose between helping the POWs escape, and doing his duty to stop the enemy at all costs from hijacking the atomic bomb, even if it means detonating it manually.

April 19, 2012

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You do state her goal is to achieve fame, but that seems so unrelated to the inciting incident that I didn't connect the two.
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From my reading of the logline, it sounds like a documentary, not a feature film, because the hero has no dramatic goal we can see her trying to achieve and the obstacles that would keep her from reaching it.
on A washed up celebrity in a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife, is knocked unconscious by a plane crash and awakens believing he is a super hero from one his films.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Very helpful.
on A disillusioned nuclear missile silo officer, yearning for job satisfaction, gets more than he bargained for when Earth is occupied by alien invaders and saving mankind means destroying Washington DC.

btw- Congrats Nir on your World Series of Screenwriting award for your short script. Saw your name there while I was celebrating mine :-) (Phil)
on When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.

I also think you don't need "so her family can get the insurance money" in the logline. That is not essential to the dramatics of the story. She is faking her death so she can escape death, that is reason…
on A disillusioned nuclear missile silo officer, yearning for job satisfaction, gets more than he bargained for when Earth is occupied by alien invaders and saving mankind means destroying Washington DC.

dpg- wow you went to technical town there may man lol. I do appreciate you taking the time though (you too Nir, cheers!) To respond a little ... This is aiming to be a high concept logline so I'm not…
on After being a turned into a djinn by an evil wizard, a young trickster must hunt the man down after being trapped for a thousand years and get him to reverse the curse before his new master uses his three wishes to take control of the world.

Perhaps you need to make some kind of obstacle clearer in the logline e.g. - the young trickster has been turned into a genie, but his wishes grant the opposite of what is wished for and the genie can't warn…
on After the legalization of marijuana leads to a dishonest pot-dealer receiving a huge tax bill, the de-motivated must become motivated before he can lead a one man crusade against a clean-cut district attorney to have the drug ‘re-criminalized’. (Am VERY interested in hearing some alternate titles for this. The punnier the better!)

Others have misconstrued what I was aiming for but I think you get it Nic, yeah? Of course there are all kinds of outrageous concepts in film and tv, but every world you build has to have its own rules…
on When a stubborn, reclusive young man gets separated from his family during a jungle trek, he must learn to adapt and survive if he is going to rescue his parents from a separatist rebel holding them hostage.

What was not in that logline is a relationship the boy has with his mentor. I'm interested in a coming-of-age story in an extreme circumstance with a boy who is a real fish out of water. For example: When his…
on When a troubled young man on community service discovers that a teacher isn’t all she seems to be, he needs to stop her malicious plans before she gets a hold on the man he loves.

Yes, these descriptions are quite vague "isn't all she seems to be" "stop her malicious plans" "gets a hold on" I disagree with the others re 'community service' -- I think this can be the hero's ordinary world in the…

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