When a billionaire futurist is killed, a vengeful ex-assassin is forced to confront her sanity as she fights to discover who has been manipulating her memories to make her the world?s most feared killer.
PyroclownPenpusher
When a billionaire futurist is killed, a vengeful ex-assassin is forced to confront her sanity as she fights to discover who has been manipulating her memories to make her the world?s most feared killer.
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Pyroclown,
We got a lot of good things going on here but also a lot of things that don’t go well together.
First,
When a billionaire futurist is killed —
This is the inciting incident you included which doesn’t seem to link to the next part of the Logline: the MC. If the billionaire is important to the MC, then state that, otherwise, you can cut that out and just begin with the MC and her story.
Vengeful ex-assassin —
Sounds weird. A good assassin should be disciplined and almost free from emotion to be capable of doing their job.
Forced to confront her sanity —
May sound intriguing, but it’s vague and really not a special thing. Everyone has to maintain sanity on some level.
Discover who is manipulating memories… —
Here we have what I hope is the meat of your movie, the part I want to see played out. The sci-fi element mixed with the contemporary killer for money.
If she’s already a ‘retired’ assassin, then why would it matter if she retains ‘the world’s most feared killer’ title?
The assassin’s life is not a subject rarely explored, so you need to come in with a very fresh take on this genre. Hope this helps.
Yet still, what is the connection between an innocent billionaire getting killed and your anti hero, the assassin?
Going from a hitman to an army ranger is quite a drastic change. What prompted that?
Agreed, with above comments, how does the murder of the billionaire relate to the lead character?
The latest draft of the logline lacks a clear cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and goal.
Ask yourself: how does one event motivate the other?