While most spilt personality concepts rely on the gimmick being the twist at the end, this is revealed at the turn of first act, where the drama begins is how he has to find a solution to get rid of his dangerous co-pilot, all while avoiding going to jail, hurting a girl that has fallen for him, and saving himself from becoming a victim to his alter.
A violent crime wakes a man?s dormant alter ego, leading to two suspicious murders, and he must venture into his repressed memories to defeat his evil alternate before its too late to save his new love.
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My first thought is that it is unclear whether or not he is the perpetrator of the murders. I understand this discovery is likely central to the plot, and you don’t want to spell it out, but perhaps it could be worded “A violent crime wakes a man’s dormant alter ego leading to his involvement in two suspicious murders …”. It is more gripping if I know the central character us directly linked to the murders, and it’s not just, say, a follow on from the violent crime and he doesn’t actually have anything to do with them.
Perhaps it could also be clearer how the story deals with “venturing into his repressed memories”? Is it a “The Cage” type scenario, where his mind is represented on the screen, or is it more along the lines of “Me, Myself and Irene” where the struggle is experienced externally? Either idea is engaging to me as a potential audience member, but I’d like a clearer idea of what to expect from the story.
Also – the danger to the new love is unclear (I didn’t realize this until the third or fourth time I read the logline, so this may not be a problem. It might just be something that an audience accepts – these events lead to dangers for the love interest).