Nicholas Andrew Halls

Mentor · 8,970 points

1,030 points to Overlord

53 loglines
592 reviews

When the IRS seize their fortune, an out of touch father takes his pampered wife and snotty children to live in a backwater town they once bought as a joke.

June 28, 2020
When corporate threatens their branch with downsizing, a clueless office manager protects his quirky staff from the news by operating as though nothing has changed.

June 28, 2020
After she’s dumped in a nursing-home because her family can’t afford her care, a meek grandmother and a motley-crew of exploited residents attempt to steal back enough money from the corrupt facility owners to return home.

July 16, 2018
After his brother’s aircraft carrier is destroyed by a mysterious dirigible in the closing days of WW2, a conceited fighter-pilot leads a squadron of misfits to intercept the craft before it reaches its next target: London.

October 7, 2016
When a remorseful vampire is mortally wounded by a ruthless hunter, she leads a team to steal a clean-blood serum from a high security processing facility in order to heal herself for the sake of her four-year-old son.

December 12, 2014
After the legalization of marijuana leads to a dishonest pot-dealer receiving a huge tax bill, the de-motivated must become motivated before he can lead a one man crusade against a clean-cut district attorney to have the drug ‘re-criminalized’. (Am VERY interested in hearing some alternate titles for this. The punnier the better!)

October 2, 2014
When the fantasy universe he wakes up in turns out to be an hallucination while he’s in a coma, a detached schoolboy must defeat the world’s evil king to regain consciousness; or pass on to the afterlife if he fails.

September 24, 2014
In order to create a replacement “Master Vampire” after his is accidentally killed, a perfectionist thrall has 48 hours to steal and consume the blood of 100 virgins from a mobile high-school blood bank, before he and his master’s other sons’ powers wain, and they succumb to mortality.

August 23, 2014
When terrorists kidnap his family, a self-centered pilot is blackmailed into hijacking a plane. But when the flight is delayed and the FBI nab him, he cuts a deal to save the lives of everyone on board by sabotaging the hijacking – at the cost of his family’s lives.

August 11, 2014
After a womanising snowboarder tricks a vengeful witch into sleeping with him by making outlandish promises, she curses him and the only cure is to fulfill every one of his deceptive vows.

July 18, 2014

on When the IRS seize their fortune, an out of touch father takes his pampered wife and snotty children to live in a backwater town they once bought as a joke.

Hey - thanks for your response. I was actually trying to write a logline for Schitt's Creek as an exercise. I take your point thought - what's the father's goal? I always find that harder to nail down in shows…
on When a young man is cryogenically frozen for a thousand years, he must come to terms with his new life in a comical future full of robots, aliens, and space travel.

I mean, that's the engine isn't it, and clarifies the tone as well. I wonder though whether there's a more concrete goal that the character pursues, that will drive their actions throughout the series? 'Come to terms with' is kind…
on When their demon-hunting father goes missing, two brothers band together to find him and destroy the demon that killed their mother.

It feels a little like the characters have split goals: find their father and/or destroy the demon that killed their mother. It's clear how he event (father goes missing) connects to one action (find father). But it's not clear how…
on When their husbands leave them to marry each other, two life-long frenemies must overcome their yuppie vs hippie animosity, form an actual deep friendship, and help each other make something rare and special of the third act of their lives.

Is it possible to refocus the action section of the logline to tangible goals that the characters actively seek, rather than the internal journeys the characters will go on throughout the series? What does "make something rare and special of…
on When unscrupulous salesperson Eleanor accidentally ends up in the Heaven-like Good Place in a case of mistaken identity, she must learn to pass as a good person if she is to avoid discovery and be cast into the Hellish torment of the Bad Place.

This could probably be trimmed a bit. Also - no need to give her name in the logline. It's just blowing out word-count. When an unscrupulous salesperson accidentally goes to heaven, she enlists the help of an ethics professor to…
on Hapless new mother Audrey attempts to navigate the pressures and problems of motherhood. This is no easy task, especially with a selfish mother, a workaholic husband, and an oddball mothers group to contend with.

An irk of mine in loglines - don't use characters' names. It's a waste of word count and tells us nothing about character. Instead, use flaw and function. (Unless you're pitching like, a Harry Potter sequel). What is the event…
on When a car accident sends him back to the 1970s a by-the-book, politically correct detective finds himself working in the â€œflying squadâ€, a special crimes unit infamous for using illeagal and brutal tactics.

I think you've bullseyed the series engine. I'd just want to give it a polish on word choice, but all of that is up to personal preference anyway!
on When a pie-maker with the ability to bring people back from the dead, revives his child-hood sweetheart, he and his detective side kick work to find her killer before the killer strikes again.

I think you've nailed the engine of the show. But seeing it written down like that, it's hard to imagine how that story is going to play out over multiple episodes/seasons. Also, it's missing the irony that kind of hooked…
on When corporate threatens their branch with downsizing, a clueless office manager protects his quirky staff from the news by operating as though nothing has changed.

He does only keep it a secret for a couple of episodes.
on Chained together by backwoods people, a wanted bank-robber and his hostage must work together to escape and survive through unknown terrain.

The "backwoods people" part of the logline doesn't necessarily relate in any clear way to needing to survive through unknown terrain. The event doesn't clearly correlate with the action taken to correct it. Perhaps it needs to be clarified, why…

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