After the abrupt revelation of a family secret forced a now twice orphaned boy into a life of seedy trailer parks, he sets out on a last-ditch journey to assemble a cast of family members he needs to make a home of his own.
Roberto AltoLogliner
After the abrupt revelation of a family secret forced a now twice orphaned boy into a life of seedy trailer parks, he sets out on a last-ditch journey to assemble a cast of family members he needs to make a home of his own.
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This has a ton of stuff going on in a fairly compact log. Kudos.
However, not much of it makes sense. 2x orphaned boy discovers a family secret and is living in trailer parks will then create a new family on his own? I doubt that happens.
Is this a work of yours or an existing story?
What is the primary goal the MC is trying to achieve?
Does he want a father and mother? Or, father, mother and sister? Or, father, mother, sister, and brother? Will he make a man and woman fall in love with each other to live together or finding a pre existing couple? Or, a pre existing family to join?
Point is the goal and action he will take are unclear. Further, what specific event starts him off, i.e what specifically happens to him that motivates him to need to find a family?
If the revelation of the secret is what sets the story in motion, You should tell us what that secret is.
When he discovers he’s adopted…
When he discovers his real father was Barack Obama…
When he discovers his mom and dad are really brother and sister…
When he discovers he’s an alien from a distant planet…
The revealed secret is what will hook the reader, so you should tell us about it.
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If the secret’s revelation sets the story in motion: Add it to the logline.
If the secret is the third act big reveal: Don’t add it to the logline.