Island Dreams

Thank you very much Monimata. I needed that blunt response. You can tell I'm an amateur! Is my 1st indie movie project. I thought of not giving away the answer and be more like this.

An underprivileged Filipina who dreams of become a singer meets an American vacationer looking for a one night stand, both ultimately finding something else.

I'll keep working on it though.

thank you again,
Ken

Hi tamodbx,

This is a good start to the premise of your story but it's lacking essential elements of a logline.

I found myself asking, "Then what?" What happens if your protag doesn't achieve her goal of becoming a singer? Is her new lover the antag and does he prevent her from reaching her goal?

This part - "both ultimately finding love and themselves" - is just so vague and, to be quite blunt, boring. We've seen this story before countless of times. You have to give us a taste of what makes your story different and interesting.

Best of luck,
Monique

revised: An underprivileged Filipina girl who dreams of become a singer meets an American vacationer looking for a one night stand, both ultimately finding love and themselves.