Protectors Of The Species
Alan SmitheePenpusher
An undercover cop from a distant galaxy fights to save the human race and the woman he loves from an alien invasion set to destroy earth.
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This attempt is pretty good.
This attempt is pretty good.
As a re post of a previous idea this reads better and smother so definitely an improvement.
But this is still the same details relating to the same characters. I find that only when a logline re write changes the synopsis of a story then it can be considered a new draft of the logline.
By this I mean if it’s the same character with the same description taking the same action without any new motivation or newly described obstacle the changes made are cosmetic to the wording of the logline.
In this case the story is obviously a spec for epic scifi adventure and a fairly generic sounding one at that.
In my mind whilst this version of the lognline reads better because it is shorter it still needs a good inciting incident, an Antagonist and a flaw for the MC.
Its with these that you can make this a unique story about a unique character.
Hope this helps.
As a re post of a previous idea this reads better and smother so definitely an improvement.
But this is still the same details relating to the same characters. I find that only when a logline re write changes the synopsis of a story then it can be considered a new draft of the logline.
By this I mean if it’s the same character with the same description taking the same action without any new motivation or newly described obstacle the changes made are cosmetic to the wording of the logline.
In this case the story is obviously a spec for epic scifi adventure and a fairly generic sounding one at that.
In my mind whilst this version of the lognline reads better because it is shorter it still needs a good inciting incident, an Antagonist and a flaw for the MC.
Its with these that you can make this a unique story about a unique character.
Hope this helps.
A CIA (Celestial Intelligence Agency) operative working undercover as an avatar on another planet fights to save the human race from an alien plot to destroy the earth.
A CIA (Celestial Intelligence Agency) operative working undercover as an avatar on another planet fights to save the human race from an alien plot to destroy the earth.
Who is he fighting?
Who is he fighting?