Medical issues
When a narcissistic doctor begins to get stalked by a revengeful, criminal and psychotic patient who is dying because of a medical mistake she made when treating his disease, she must protect herself and her family.
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In a logline less words to say basically the same thing is better.
—–
“When a narcissistic doctor begins to get stalked”
“When a narcissistic doctor is stalked”
—–
“by a revengeful, criminal and psychotic patient who is dying because of a medical mistake she made when treating his disease,”
“by a psychotic patient who’s dying because of a medical mistake,”
—–
—–
The final line needs to be more specific. Because we cut the earlier part down you can add a little bit here:
“she must protect herself and her family.”
“She must (Be more specific about what she must do, how does she protect her family???) if her and her family are to survive.”
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
In a logline less words to say basically the same thing is better.
—–
“When a narcissistic doctor begins to get stalked”
“When a narcissistic doctor is stalked”
—–
“by a revengeful, criminal and psychotic patient who is dying because of a medical mistake she made when treating his disease,”
“by a psychotic patient who’s dying because of a medical mistake,”
—–
—–
The final line needs to be more specific. Because we cut the earlier part down you can add a little bit here:
“she must protect herself and her family.”
“She must (Be more specific about what she must do, how does she protect her family???) if her and her family are to survive.”
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
Very good points raised above about the structure and economy of the logline. It reads similar to cape fear only with a doctor instead of a lawyer and a sick patient instead of a former convict.
Whilst the antagonist has a ticking time bomb of their own which is rare and a great motivator. They seem potentially week as a result of their medical condition as long as the doctor and family can keep escaping long enough the patient will die before harming them.
Perhaps an escaped mental patient and psychiatrist would be a better choice to give the same stakes as Cape Fear.
Very good points raised above about the structure and economy of the logline. It reads similar to cape fear only with a doctor instead of a lawyer and a sick patient instead of a former convict.
Whilst the antagonist has a ticking time bomb of their own which is rare and a great motivator. They seem potentially week as a result of their medical condition as long as the doctor and family can keep escaping long enough the patient will die before harming them.
Perhaps an escaped mental patient and psychiatrist would be a better choice to give the same stakes as Cape Fear.
Possible Title: Let’s play doctor
Possible Title: Let’s play doctor
How is your call to adventure that the character “begins to get stalked” … it would surely be the moment she realised she was being stalked, and what specifically happens that allows this realisation?
How is your call to adventure that the character “begins to get stalked” … it would surely be the moment she realised she was being stalked, and what specifically happens that allows this realisation?
“When a narcissistic doctor begins to get stalked by a revengeful, criminal and psychotic patient who is dying because of a medical mistake she made when treating his disease, she must protect herself and her family.”
Nice comments above. Maybe too many adjectives describing the antagonist. The logline is a bit long maybe.
I think that the comment about the ticking clock for the antagonist. You could try to make it a disease that’s heading towards certain death, and uncurable but not as urgent.
Maybe you should focus more on the stakes at hand. Why the word protect, why not make it more urgent.
To make the whole thing more interesting you could perhaps make the main character flaw more urgent of fixing. So she could save her family from herself as well as the patient
Possible rewrite:
When a narcissistic doctor gets threatened by a psychotic patient, dying because of a medical mistake the doctor made, she must save her family from both the patient and herself.
“When a narcissistic doctor begins to get stalked by a revengeful, criminal and psychotic patient who is dying because of a medical mistake she made when treating his disease, she must protect herself and her family.”
Nice comments above. Maybe too many adjectives describing the antagonist. The logline is a bit long maybe.
I think that the comment about the ticking clock for the antagonist. You could try to make it a disease that’s heading towards certain death, and uncurable but not as urgent.
Maybe you should focus more on the stakes at hand. Why the word protect, why not make it more urgent.
To make the whole thing more interesting you could perhaps make the main character flaw more urgent of fixing. So she could save her family from herself as well as the patient
Possible rewrite:
When a narcissistic doctor gets threatened by a psychotic patient, dying because of a medical mistake the doctor made, she must save her family from both the patient and herself.