title could be “rock Or roll”
*as in rock the band or be rolling in the grave..”
so he owes money to all the wrong people,and he has to make this band work or risk life
variableUberwriter
a broke man falls back to his “college dream band” only to realize his record producer is the mafia he is running from
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Of all endevours he could have pursued to securely make money, and fast, he chose PLAYING IN A BAND?!!
Otherwise, what was the specific event (inciting incident) that starts the story and what specifically is his goal?
A logline is used to describe a plot and a plot needs a main character (preferably flawed), a start (inciting incident), a middle (main action) and end (goal). This logline has only 1.5 of the 4 crucial elements (“…broke man…” is not a flawed character).
It seems as though you could benefit from reading up about loglines, check out the ‘Formula‘ tab on the top bar for more information.
If the? protagonist realizes his producer is his mafia/load shark nemesis, how come the nemesis doesn’t realize who the protagonist is, a victim who owes him money?
And what what MUST he do (objective goal) when he discovers the producer’s ID?? Or ELSE — what are the stakes if he fails? (His life, no less I should think.)
I am not sure a man on the run from the mafia would start an endeavor?that puts him on a stage and in front of crowds of people. Most people on the run from the mob keep a low profile.
However, up until the part about the mob, I was actually enjoying the idea.
This logline really only sets up the Inciting Incident.
So rather than promising a 100 minute movie, it gives us the first 15 minutes.
A logline needs to hold the promise of a full-length film.
To fix this, you need to answer the question DPG asks above: “What MUST he do”.