When her plants succumb to a disease, a mute girl, haunted by visions, must find resistant seeds in a violent post-apocalyptic world.
PaulJLogliner
When her plants succumb to a disease, a mute girl, haunted by visions, must find resistant seeds in a violent post-apocalyptic world.
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Paul, this all over the place. Disease, seeds, hauntings, mute girls…
Basically, what must this unfortunate and loner girl accomplish before the worst case scenario occurs? Does she need to befriend others to do it?
“When her plants succumb to a disease, a mute girl, haunted by visions, must find resistant seeds in a violent post-apocalyptic world.”
I think this concept has potential, even though it is similar to other post-apocalyptic stories. My recommendation is to give the protagonist a grander motivation. Are the plants a food source? Does she have some kind of personal connection to them? Is there something special?
What is the antagonistic force? I can guess, but that’s an important part that should be included in the logline. Are there some sort of mutated animals, or other sci-fi element, or just the usual (pretty cliche at this point) group of apathetic survivors who are either a) rapists b) cannibals or c) just violent people, or otherwise some sort of combination.
Here’s an example I’m making up:? After her crops die from disease, a mute girl must search for resistant seeds in a world decimated by nuclear war. (21)
I hope this helps.
It sounds like the concept has more sci-fi elements than either version of the logline describe. I think Foxtrot is right that the logline attempts to juggle too many parts.
To me the most important parts are that the world is post-apocalyptic because that is what leads her to have to grow and find her own crops. Being mute doesn’t seem to add to the logline without the inclusion of her being forced to interact with other people and that being a hindrance.
“As the vegetation around her dies, a mute girl searches for resistant seeds but becomes a slave in what is left of modern society.”
The problem with this version is that it second half describes what may be a complication in the script. But it isn’t the goal, and not the inciting incident.
After a disease kills the majority of her crops, a mute survivor must search in a post-apocalyptic world for resistant seeds while avoiding the remnants of the powerful food corporation which unleashed the disease. (34)
I suggest finding a way to incorporate what actual apocalyptic event occurred. A natural disaster, nuclear destruction, etc. Perhaps including the specific event will make it easier to tie all of the elements of the logline together.
I hope this helps.
Agreed with the above – it’s very hard to see the forest for the trees (pardon the pun…)
What is the crux of the story?
Her fighting and defeating the ‘evil corporation’/high tech people?
Or her raising a successful crop?
Or her learning to communicate and finding a family or group of friends?
In a world dying of famine because of genetic engineering run amuck? — that seems to be the set up, the initial dramatic problem. (12 words)
>>>They are basing their future society on GMO everything, and unleashed the crop destroying disease themselves.
Unintentionally or intentionally?
If it’s “GMO everything” that includes the human genome, right?? And if so,? then isn’t there a bigger issue at stake here:? eugenics, genetically engineering? “better” humans?
What is the story really about?? (The decline of genetic diversity in crops predates GMO by decades.? GMO is a complication of the problem — not the cause.)