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The_CNISamurai
Posted: March 7, 20182018-03-07T10:45:47+10:00 2018-03-07T10:45:47+10:00In: Family

After a gang of gardners threaten to destroy the patch of forest he lives in, a nerdy ant must work with his insect rivals to build a 6ft tall robot to fend off the human menace and save their colonies.

After a gang of gardners threaten to destroy the patch of forest he lives in, a nerdy ant must work with his insect rivals to build a 6ft tall robot to fend off the human menace and save their colonies.
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    3 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2018-03-07T13:07:34+10:00Added an answer on March 7, 2018 at 1:07 pm

      This version of the logline is much better than your previous attempt.

      The term, “Gang of gardeners” is a bit clunky, you might consider going back to ‘landscaper’ or maybe?’greedy landscaper’ to give the antagonist a negative?trait.

      However, overall this tells us what we need to know.

      Using this attempt as a base; here would be a small re-write: (Hope this helps)
      —–
      “When a greedy landscaper threatens his patch of forest, a nerdy ant must enlist his insect rivals to build a 6ft tall robot to fend off the menace and save their colony.”

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    2. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2018-03-07T13:27:35+10:00Added an answer on March 7, 2018 at 1:27 pm

      Agreed with Richiev, this reads mostly well.

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2018-03-07T13:30:13+10:00Added an answer on March 7, 2018 at 1:30 pm

      I’ll only add that the inciting incident needs a bit more urgency than the perception of a threat – best you describe the event that made it clear their colony is in danger.

      For example:

      After a greedy landscaper destroys a nearby patch of forest, a nerdy ant must enlist his insect rivals to build a 6ft tall robot to fend off the menace and save their colony.

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